Passion

The List 2008

Passion.  I wrote a journal entry to myself almost 10 years ago with a list of the top 10 things I wanted in a relationship. I wrote the list again in 2008...just as a refresher and as a check point.  I wrote the list again 3 days ago, for those same reasons.

The List 2015

I think it's good to have check-ins with me...After all, the longest relationship I'll be in, is the relationship with me. So I like to check-in and re-write my list. I like to see if the same items are on the list each time and if they change positions.  I mean after nearly 10 years, I'm bound to grow and change.  It's good to know where and how I've changed...sometimes the changes are under the surface and we need to dig for them. Sometimes the list needs affirmation. Do I still need/want the same things?

Turns out, I haven't changed all that much in over the last 10 years. There are a few shifts and placement changes on the list...but for the most part, the list has been consistent.

At the top of my list has always been passion.  I must have passion in my relationships. I'm drawn to people with passion. When someone is passionate for something, anything, it's inspiring.  Even if a person is passionate about something you really dislike (think politics) it makes you passionate.  It's contagious.  In a loving relationship, that contagious passion is so so so awesome.  It's wonderful to watch someone you care about follow their passion and chase their dreams.

Many couples in long-term relationships will tell you that passion fades and you must have the other things on your list for the relationship to be sustained.  In one way, I agree...sure, you're probably not going to have butterflies every single time you see your significant other.  I get it. Life is life and it will try to beat the passion out of us.

But here is my thing...because I tend to always have a thing. I been in the presence of couples who never ever lose the passion for each other. "Like ever" as my girl Taylor says. They have been together for years and years and they still have the goo. I hope you are one of those couples.  I can feel it when I am in their presence. It warms me from the inside. So it can and it does last a lifetime. It doesn't have to fade.

And, I think I've realized something critical. Something I think these gooey folks have realized long ago. It's that passion comes in many, many forms.  If your only passion is for your significant other, of course that's going to fade.  But, if you and your significant other (or your friends, family or any relationship you have) have passion not only for each other but for causes or actions, for work, for family, for music, traveling, politics, sports, make-up, jeans, exercise, whatever...does the passion ever really fade?

I don't think so my friends.  How could it?  Really? It's contagious and inspiring and fun! Who doesn't like fun inspiration?  The passion will be constantly present in a variety of ways.  Being in a relationship with someone who is passionate is what's necessary for sustaining passion in life and in relationships.  It's very different from simply having passion in your relationships. And, it's something I literally just realized this week.  #latetotheparty

When I started thinking about my current relationship (which is amazing, btw) and when I checked it against my trusty list, I had this realization about passion.  It's probably not a huge deal for anyone but me, but for me, it's a HUGE deal!  He and I have passion for quite a few things, including us and our relationship. And, just as important as how we feel about each other is how we feel about other passions in our lives...both together and separately. We not only support each other's passions, we thrive on them. Our passions make us happy for us and for each other.  We have an easy, natural, mutual support of, understanding, acceptance and love of passion.

And, that my readers, hits so many things on my list!!!  Passion, love,  trust, understanding, individualism/space, empowerment, fun, acceptance, honesty. Whoa! And, maybe even bigger news is that, I'm not even freaking out about it.  I'm loving this discovery. Loving it!!  Double whoa!

I've known for a long time that passion was at the top of my list...it's important. It's always been important to me...even before I truly understood what it is or how it's important.  Understanding why it's important, how it's important and what's so important about it in my relationships has been profound.  It's seriously been life-changing. Feeling it, seeing it and watching it in others as well as myself is something of amazement.

I write all of this not to brag about my new found realization, but rather to say...readers...check your lists!!  Check-in with you. Take yourself on a journey of self-discovery and checking-in. While it can be scary and you might not know what you're going to find, if you're like me you might find a hidden gem nugget of information that changes your life for the best. You might gain valuable insight into the inner workings of you. And, when you know you, understand you and love you...you are happy.

Information...data points...something I don't search out easily.  But something engineers thrive on. Irony or coincidence or Faith?  I'm going with Faith. I love the goo!!!!!!!!!! It's so great! :-)

Faith

XO~

Uncontrol

#preach

*Actually written on October 16, 2014. I'm just getting around to publishing this because...well I've been living...living happily I might add.  

Most people like control. I certainly do.  Why do you think we press the imaginary break pedal from the passenger's seat? Or is that  just me?  People like to control as much of their life as they can.  When I speak of control I speak of it in terms of controlling situations, other people and their choices as well as situational outcomes.  I don't speak of it in the same way as choice. We all have control over our choices. 

I like control and I like choice.  I like to take control of my life and I like to make my own choices. Who doesn't?  I'm also (at times) perfectly fine with relinquishing control and putting things out in the universe and letting whatever happen happen.  I like to make others happy so many many times I really so prefer someone else to choose the restaurant location.  But when it comes to how my life is going to go, I don't exactly give up the control easily.  It happens, but those moments are pretty few and far between.  But they do happen.

I'm somewhere in the middle of a control freak who only uses only one very particular kind of gel pen and a hippy.  If you ask my friends I'm pretty sure they will say I'm more of a traveling hippy, that is if hippies wear sparkles and have tons of shoes.  Anyway…

The thing is that there are the uncontrollable things that come along in our lives and turn our worlds upside down.  They come in good ways and in bad ways.  And for me, uncontrol (is that a word)  is often hard. Real hard.  Hard to handle, hard to accept, hard to embrace and hard not to control.  I like having a master plan.  I like it a lot. 

What gives me hope in the uncontrol though is Love (and yes I did capitalize it...it deserves a capital L).  Love is uncontrollable and happens at weird times with weird people in weird places.  It's not about anything other than love. It's simple and so very complex. It's inconvenient and it's messy.  It turns worlds upside down.  It's beautiful and it's fun. Simply put, it's amazeballs.

As many of you know I'm in an in between place in life…between buying a new house and between chucking it all and heading to the beach, between open-toe MK wedges and Frye boots,  between relationships, between heartbreak and open- hearted, between being a cool cat lady and a cat lady QVC shopper who can't seem to find the perfect vacuum to clean up all the cat hair. Right now I am on an airplane and even my music is in between…going from Johnny Gill to Taylor Swift  to Bryan McKnight to Dierks Bentley to John Mayer to Seven Nation Army. How's that for being all kinds of in-between?

Normally if I'm in between, I feel this burning desire to gain control and get out of in between. I'm burning to reel in the uncontrol.  What's next? Why am I in between and how do I get out of this space and onto my life's goals? How quickly can I get back on track and make things happen? How do I gain control??? When will the broken road end with the where I'm supposed to be?  Just typing these questions stress me out.

But this in between time is different.  I feel ok being in between. I feel ok in the uncontrol.  I have faith. I wouldn't say I'm jumping for joy or anything, but I'm not twisted inside.  I'm not burning up.  While I certainly miss the comforts, love & security that came with the life I had planned for myself, I'm coming to embrace Tuesday as trash day…well embrace is a strong word, but I accept it and know I'm ok taking out the trash.  I'm ok not having a plan or not knowing how things will unfold. I'm ok in the moment of uncontrol and I'm ok with the plan unfolding as it does…however it does. I'm ok..even better than ok. I'm good.

More than the daily task-like things that I'm ok with, I'm ok being me and everything that comes with me being me.  It's hard to make any relationship stand the test of time. But for any relationship to stand a chance, we must have a healthy relationship with ourselves first. We must first Love and I mean really Love, who we are as an individual person.  So in this in between time, that's exactly what I'm doing.  I'm taking the chance to and making the choice to embrace and like me.

I'm also cutting WAY back on Facebook. I've decided that I'd rather live my life and like living it rather than watch others "live" their lives.  I don't hate social media.  I love the pictures and love seeing old friends.  I've just decided for me, I want to be doing instead of scrolling. I was with some friends recently and I questioned them on why they were checking their News Feed so frequently.  The answers varied but basically they said, "I'm bored."  I thought about that for a while and I've decided to be bored way way less.  Especially when I'm in the company of good people.  And, I'm good with that.

I'm difficult and driven and silly and competitive and independent and challenging and fashion conscience.  I'm a smart ass who likes to watch Big Bang Theory on reruns. I like to sing but I'm a terrible singer.  I like to use all of my vacation time to go to the beach. I like to travel and I like to think outside of the box.  I seek to find the good in every person I meet.  I like smart people and I like being around people who are smarter than me.  I like to watch and support people who chase their dreams and I love feeling driven and passionate about something. I want to make a difference in the world daily and I don't wash my hair everyday or even every other day. I'm pretty much addicted to manicures, being social, Starbucks, football and Hummus Corner.   And, I'm good with all of that.  And, I'm good being this way all on my own.

Could it be that I've realized that I've spent most of my life in between with very little control?  Don't we all spend a lot of our life being in between?  Do we really ever have control? We are in between relationships, engagements and the wedding, waiting for the baby to get here, waiting to get back to normal sleep patterns after the baby gets here…everything is in between something or another.  This in between time is what I've come to realize is the joy in the journey. And, no matter who else is on the journey with me, I'm with me. And, I need to like me and be me.

And, like Love, the journey is not exactly controllable. We can absolutely control our choices and what we do in this in between time, but we can't always control how long it lasts or when the next in between will arise.  We can't control our length of stay on this planet.  We can't control tragedy.  So, I'm taking my time to embrace joy in this blessed journey I've been given and I'm living fearlessly in Love with myself and my choices because in the end, uncontrollable LOVE always wins. 

In between…be kind, read, exercise, laugh, eat sushi, wear heels, get some sun, take chances, give hugs, say I love you and most of all be with who and do what makes you happy.

XO~