That's Not Fair and It's Better That Way

Today my dear readers, I am going to rant about the issue of fairness. I hope you don't think that is unfair to read my rant...but if you do, you can stop reading at any time. That makes it fair, right?  I'm super frustrated with the intolerance and misunderstanding the concept. So when things strike me, I'm writing about them. Here goes...

fair·ness

ərnɪs/ Show Spelled

noun

1. the state, condition, or quality of being fair, or free from bias or injustice; evenhandedness:

2. free from discrimination, dishonesty, etc; just; impartial

Nowhere in that definition does is say that everyone should get the same things that everyone else gets.  Nowhere in that definition does is say that others won't get something that you do. It also doesn't say that you won't get less at times.  Fairness is hard to understand.  More than reading the literal definition and understanding the concept in general, I do not understand the rush to judgement that something (non-life threatening, of course), "Is not fair".  Hello ~~~ life is not the same for everyone and we don't all get the same things.  Furthermore, why would we want it that way?

Why, as humans, do we not have the gut reaction of support for others over the fear we are missing out or not getting something more or better, even if we don't need more or better?  Why can human nature be so darn negative?  Is that fair?

It is unfathomable that a 7 year old girl is fighting for her life against a deadly form of Leukemia.  It's disgusting that 12 people who went to see the new Batman movie are no longer with us.  It's completely unjust that a precious little boy I know had 3 brain surgeries before he was 3 years old.  These things are unfair. These things are uncontrollable. Yet many times survivors and loved ones find blessings in the unfairness. They get it. They are given no choice.

Life is full of tragedy and injustice but when it comes to other issues that we have full control over, such as offering schedule flexibility to a new mother, providing a student without means, the means to do something great, or offering help, coaching or support to a struggling teammate, is it considered to be unfair??? 

Can't our first reaction be that of support, encouragement, love, consideration, teamwork, thankfulness and hope that if and when we need some "fairness", the same might be offered to us?  Can't we look at the those situations and trust that the decisions being made are in the best interest of everyone involved? Are we so far gone, that we can longer be kind?  And, if we are kind, why on earth is that considered to be unfair?

If fairness meant that everyone got the same treatment, the same pay, the same scope of responsibility, the same type of flexibility or inflexibility, the same, the same, the same....life would be pretty freaking dull, predictable, unimaginative and lack a ton of motivation. People would be droning around the world in the typical probably wearing flats. Yuck!

Fairness isn't about getting the same. It's about being unbias and being free from dishonesty.  It's about giving each other what we need to be successful. It's finding creative ways to lift each other. It's about being more. It's selfless. If we think about in those terms before claiming something is unfair, I think most of us (myself definitely included) would come to realize, we have all we need, we sometimes get more than we need, we sometimes lose, but in the end, we are beyond fortunate and we should be happy with what we have.

Please, before you rush to make a claim of unfairness, stop, think and do the following first.

Be kind. Be flexible. Be open. Don't jump quickly to conclusions. Don't be selfish. Be thankful. Be understanding. Have compassion.  And, most importantly, be a friend first.

Then tell me if it's unfair.

xo~
Elizabeth

Blessing the Broken Road and Hurry Up Already

I'm sure many readers are familiar with the song God Bless the Broken Road. It's been done by many artists, my favorite being the Rascal Flatts version, because I love country music.   If you live under a rock and you are not familiar or if you just want to see it again as I did looking for this clip, check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do32g82qilk

It's a great song with some uplifting inspiration provided by a person who has truly found the one.  The broken road led them to find each other and it is all worth it in the end.  Isn't that just ducky?

I am an eternal optimist who believes that we are where we are because we are supposed to be there.  I do believe we also play an active role in getting there, but I really think we find our paths when we are supposed to find them. Challenges come and go and love (for anything, a partner, a job, a house, a location) may not come when we want it, but it's all meant to be this way.  And, it may not always be pretty.

The broken road can be a hard one...it certainly doesn't look the same for everyone and it can be longer for some than others.  It can be smooth for a long time and then become bumpy again.  It doesn't always end as nicely as the song indicates it will...you know the happily ever after, forever and ever amen part?  Not exactly the way always life works.

Over the last few weeks me and a few friends have encountered some bumps in our roads.  Certainly not horrible life events (we are all healthy and have great things in our lives), but just bumps. Break-ups, almost breaking-up, job changes, work issues, life challenges, etc.

The broken road usually works out to be a blessing in disguise, but I can't help but wonder why it won't hurry up already?? When do we get to the part where we want to dance in the rain and shout from the mountain tops? When do the hills come alive with sound of music? When does the happily ever after really happen? Who are those people in that song and where are they now?  They should have a Behind the Broken Road TV show.  (Note to self, to do: develop screen play for VH1.)

I find myself asking those questions and when I start really thinking about them, the answer I come up with is the same.  It will happen when it is supposed to happen.  It will be worth the wait and better than anything we have ever even thought was great.  It may not be when I want it to be or how I want it to be.  But it will happen and when it does, we will know it...without any doubts or hesitations.  We will feel it.  "It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true."

In the meantime, we must actively contribute to making it happen and put ourselves in  positions where it can happen.  We are the biggest contributors to our own happiness and we have a lot of control over it.  We can make choices that help us navigate the broken road. We can also enlist the support of friends and family to hold our hands, encourage and lift our spirits, listen to our tales of woe and give us space to find our way. 

Still, I do wonder what the heck is taking so long. I'm not patient. Neither are my friends.  Can we just be there already?

xo~
Elizabeth

Can you really die of a broken heart?

What a question, right?  Some people would say no, you cannot actually die of a broken heart.  Others would say you absolutely can. Technically people die from broken hearts all the time…probably daily.  Biologically speaking of course you can surely die from a broken heart. Hearts break. They are fragile and not easy to repair.

In this case, I’m not writing about technically dying of a broken heart because we know that is true.  It can and does happen. This is a grander, more thought provoking; can one die of a broken heart question? 

My grandparents recently passed away.  My mom mom died in December 2011 and my pop died about 2 weeks ago. They were married for 62 years.  62 YEARS…I can’t even imagine.  That’s a long a$$ time. Now, don’t misunderstand, everything wasn’t perfect, they argued, and drove each other nuts, at times.  Many times they were not that sweet old couple who most of us picture sitting on a park bench together.  Growing old wasn’t easy on either of them.  It was challenging and they needed help to make it to the end.  But, they stuck it out together and, no matter what, at the end of each day, it was each other who they always wanted to be with.  They had the goo.

He was forever bickering at her for forgetting things and she was forever bickering at him for bickering with her. He could be grumpy and he was the man of the house.  She cooked and cleaned and kept an amazing house.  She fed the birds, had a million house plants and she regularly shampooed the carpets, the curtains and the lawn. Yes you read that correctly, she shampooed the lawn.  She was a great wife.  He loved working outside in the yard, he planted millions of flowers, he decorated like nobody could for Christmas and he enjoyed everything about baseball.  We aren’t quite sure who was more stubborn, him or her. They had one son who they both adored. They threw an annual holiday bash that I hear was super fun in its hay day and they had plastic covers on their couches. She was a strong woman well ahead of her time in many ways.  He was a hard working southern man who liked things a certain way; his way. They were opposites and they genuinely loved each other.

It worked for them that way for 62 years.  She lived her final days in their house and she died surround by his love.  His health had been in steady decline since December and for the last 8 months of his life he lived alone in a house full of memories of her. 

She died of complications from several illnesses of “old age.”  Technically, he died of complications from fluid on his lungs.

I know many readers have had broken hearts.  Sadly, most people have sustained some sort of heart-breaking loss.  Broken hearts where you don’t think you will get through. Broken hearts that cause you to be paralyzed in a world of darkness where you can’t see a future. Broken hearts that bring you tears for years after the loss.  Broken hearts where you lose a piece of yourself that you think you’ll never get back. Broken hearts where a piece of your heart goes with that lost person and is forever gone.  It’s a sad aspect of this thing called life.

On the bright side, most of us do not physically die from these broken hearts.  And, even more important is that most of our hearts begin to heal with time. We are resilient and strong and we press on. While a piece of us may be left behind with our broken heart, most times we can look back and remember the joy before the pain of the loss. We can feel love in our heart and we can be happy again.  Love for the lost person or love for a new person can mend and refill our broken heart and at the same time, never let us forget.  Love is the glue that holds us together when everything else deserts us and love has the beautiful grace to save us.

But there are occasions, where after 62 years of faithful partnership and love, the heart may never quite heal the way it should. Where his partner was an integral part of his connection to this world and he knew he lived a full, happy and complete life.  His body was weak from old age, his health was failing, he could no longer do the things he loved to do and he was tired. I think this was when one loving husband knew it was time to let go and be with his exquisite wife in peace forever.   

So, yes I do believe you can die from a broken heart and in this case, it was in the most beautiful, peaceful, blessed and loving way.

1990 ~ Enjoying my parents wedding

Rest in peace mom mom and pop. Enjoy heaven’s garden together forever. I'm certain the flowers will be immaculate and you both will be smiling. And, we know that all the birdies (and squirrels) will be stuffed full and singing for you daily.

xo ~

Miss Elizabeth