13

It's 2013, so why not have 13 things on my 2013 "To Do" list?  I don't really believe in resolutions but rather goals and/or things to do in the New Year.  Since 13 is a great number and a year that has lots of promise, I can see no reason why not to have 13 things to do. So let's go...we are already 10 days in.

To Do in 2013

1.  Keep my car clean!!  As in on the inside and the outside. Keep Six spit-shined, more polished and way less cluttered and grimy.   Lofty goal, I realize. But I'm dreaming big here.

2.  

By May 17, 2013 - Yes, another lofty one, I realize.

 

3.  Get out and meet new and different people! Participate in networking events, training events or charitable events.  I'm going to ask questions and learn from those who are successful, happy and focused.

4.  Travel, travel and more travel!  I love it...it makes me happy and it's so good to do.  One trip is booked, California...here I come.  Vegas is almost booked and our annual trip to the Caribbean is being booked in the next 2 weeks.  Oh and let's not forget about our great away games next year. Chicago, I'll be there. Chicago friends, please expect me.  Miami, duh, it's always a great time.

5. Run a 1/2 marathon.  Booked. Training starts February 27, 2013.

6.  Practice (at least) 13 Random Acts of Kindness.  It's marked on my calendar each month.  They don't have to be huge or splashy...they just must be random and consistent...how do you like that, constantly random?  I'll document them for the year and let know what they were and how they went...you should do the same.  There can never be enough kindness.

7.  Join a philanthropic group.  I've been researching a few groups that interest me.  I'm not sure which one I will choose, but I will keep you posted. I'll take your suggestions too. If there is a cause you feel passionate about, let me know.  I feel my best when I am doing something for others.  So this one, while it may seem kind, is pretty self-serving.  I really like helping.

8.  Secure my housing situation for 2 years.  Most of you know I own a house in beautiful Owings Mills.  I'm living downtown, where I must stay living.  So in 2013, I'd like to secure my living situation for another 2 years. Moving is not an option.

9.  The reality is the time has come for me to make a decision about starting a family.  Obvi, that decision would be easier, given a certain someone to do it with.  But, that aside, single mamas do it all the time.  If you want something bad enough, you will have it.  No matter what.  I need to make that decision this year.

10.  I got some advice back in November that I should not wait so long to make decisions.  See also: Number 9.  He told me to listen to my heart and follow it even if it's hard.  I'm going to listen to that advice, because I know he was right.  I can look back at several situations and see where I knew the answer, but I waited to make a decision out of comfort or hope or desire, rather than it being the right decision for me.  In 2013, I'm going to improve my timely decision making and listen to my heart.

11.  Read more and continue to write.  I've slacked off on my reading as of late. I'm going to read at least 13 books this year. And, I will continue to try and be consistent with writing.  This blog is really for me (another selfish thing I do) and I don't want to write for the sake of writing. But I do want to use it to keep myself accountable, express my thoughts, be vulnerable, learn, grow and laugh.  By consistently writing, I'll stay on track.

12.  Be healthier.  Last year, I made a goal to recommit to fitness. I was so-so in reaching that goal.  This year, I have the same goal and will strive to do better.  See also Number 2...I'm not getting those buns and those abs eating crap food.  So, mostly, I will eat cleaner and drink more water.  I'm thinking of doing a juice cleanse.  Oi vey!  But, if I do, no worries, I'll report all the juicy details. 

13.  Be an overall better friend and better person.  Don't get me wrong, I'm OK. But I could be better. I tend to be selfish (see above) and I get busy with my own needs and desires.  I see others who are way busier than me doing so much more. They take meals to friends, they volunteer, they raise children, they coach soccer teams, they lead Brownie troops, they compete in athletic events or play social sports, they do charitable things, and they make life beautiful.  I'm going to go into more situations with the mindset of how can I help others or contribute to this....rather than the mindset of what's in it for me.

In 2013, I'm going to practice what I preach and love out loud, be brave, take chances, have fun and follow my heart and dreams.  I'm not giving up on anything I want and I hope to do somethings that will inspire others to keep going, have faith, keep hope alive, do just a little more and give back.  I will look to others with kindness and heart and I will be open minded, trusting and motivated.  I've committed to these things both to myself and now to you...whoever reads this entry. There is no turning back. My cards are on the table.

2013 is going to be a great year.  I feel it and I know it.  I'm going to start living it...time now.

I think this captures my 13 things and more...so perhaps I should have just posted this.
Thank you to the amazing person who sent this to me.  You know I love you! :-)

xo~

 

Changes...they are already a comin'.

It's January 2, 2013.  I'm probably not the only one who thinks time is flying by...way too quickly.  I don't feel older, but I am.  I like to think I like change, but (at least initially) I don't think I do.  I don't want to feel pressure to be more settled or to be somewhere I am not, but I do.  And, on this 2nd day of a brand new year, changes are already coming in full force with a vengeance.  Changes that will lead down new and different roads filled with new and different opportunities for happiness, contentment and success.

My little sister in our hearts/roomie packed up everything she owns and ventured out west at 5:00 am this morning. She's chasing her dreams. She's packed it all in in the hopes of making it big in the world of female cycling.  And, I believe she's going to be successful. She's brave, strong, a fierce competitor, a force on that bike of hers and she's doing it...going for it. She also got engaged to a wonderful man who loves and supports her desire to chase her dreams. They make a great team.  I'm superbly happy for them. And, I can't wait to participate in all that will be their most AMAZING celebrations of love, engagement and wedding. And I can't wait to cheer for her while she takes this journey.  We are all hoping her path goes to Rio in 2016.

Ray Lewis announced today that this is his last ride.  Ray Lewis.  His last ride.  He's moving on to the next phase of his life. For anyone not from Baltimore, you've probably heard of Ray Lewis. I mean, who hasn't? But for those of us who have not known a Baltimore Ravens team without Ray Lewis, we know this is huge news.  He's somehow impacted all of us with his dedication to his craft, his commitment to excellence, his no fear, never back down attitude, his ability to play at an elite level longer than anyone else ever has and his desire to be the best there ever was.  Wow. This will take some getting used to.  Sunday could be his last appearance in a Ravens uniform.  Talk about powerful. It's getting hot in here.

Two pretty big changes in just two days.  Wow!! Wonder what tomorrow will bring?

For me, I have plans for 2013 that I will share in another post, soon.  Until then, I will share that 2013 is going to be a rocking and amazing year.  I feel it in my bones.  Some say 13 is not a lucky number. Well me and T-Swifty couldn't disagree more.  13 is a great number.  And, 13 is going to my year.  Good things are happening in 2013...for me and for you.  I know it.  And, I couldn't be more ready!!

Bring it on 2013! Let's roll!

xo ~

Getting over “It’.

If only it were that easy....

Get over it! You’ve heard that command a thousand times, right?  But riddle me this…How does one get over love? That is the question.  Is it possible to leave love behind or does it have to leave you behind?  When do you take the good things with you and leave the bad behind?  Do you just wake up one day knowing you were not meant to be with the person you spent time planning on being meant to be? If that is the case, how long does that take?

Many of us have been there…the fetal position in tears on the floor after you and your boyf, girlf, or love of your life has left. Regardless of the reason for the break-up, the next few days, weeks or sometimes years are a blur. You are a ball of sadness, depression, tears, darkness and questions.  Why didn’t this one work out?  What could I have done differently? What didn’t I see in the moment that I can now see looking back?  What did this Mr. Right have that I can’t live without in my next Mr. Right? And, do you ever really get over real love? Are the ones you get over, impostures of love?

Growing up as a girl we watched our favorite princesses’ ride off into the sunset with their prince.  They met them and knew instantly they were their One Love.  They lived happily ever after.  As an adult, I can’t even fathom what happily ever after means.  I see many of my married friends live long happy lives with their husbands and families, but it is certainly not easy.  For the single girls we are searching for our One Love.  We are looking for the one we can ride off into the sunset with. We may have found one or two along the way who we thought were our One Loves, but for whatever reason it doesn’t work out.

Love is gooey, fun, happy, contagious, amazing, beautiful, addicting, blissful and uncontrollable.  You can feel when you are in the presence of true love.  It warms you on the inside.  When you truly love someone, you want them to be happy and you want that more than you care about your own personal happiness.  You put someone else’s needs ahead of your own needs.  You want to do right by the one you love and loving someone else makes an individual a better person. 

I can control many things…my whereabouts, the company I keep, the amount of times I stop at Starbucks weekly, the places I go for fun, the situations I put myself in and my sleep number, if I had a sleep number.  Happiness can be built.  I know that’s a fact because I’ve built it.

But I can’t control love.  I can’t control its arrival or its departure. It grows or fades out of our experiences and interactions. I don’t believe that the goo you feel for another can be forced, contrived or faked. It can be there one day and gone the next…with little or plenty of warning.  And even if you think you love someone, it might not be magical enough to go the distance.

I don’t know that love is ever “gotten over”.  You can get over the sadness and heartbreak but there certainly is no HOV lane to Overitville. You have to drive a beatass Pinto, in the slow lane, in rush hour traffic, through DC, before you feel better. You start by getting off the floor, showering, and get dressed.  You put one foot in front of the other and you begin again.  Eventually, your heart beings to heal.  The sadness passes.  The memories fade.  You build new happiness and your life keeps moving.  That’s the way it is.  Part of that love though, will always be with you. You are the person you are because of that love. 

I also know that the One Love never quits, leaves, walks away or fails. It stays, even if it’s hard.

So while it might be painfully hard to move on, I have to believe that if he or she is your One Love, they will be.  Take your love for them with you and start again.   Letting go of anyone you care for is one of life’s hardest things to do. It’s especially hard if he had One Love potential.  But know that One Love may not come in the time or package we want it to come, but when the time and the person are right, One Love will come.  You both will know it.

If you really love one who could be your One Love, love him more than yourself and give him what he needs. In time, the answer will reveal itself.  And, it will be the right answer for both of you.

In the meantime, trust your gut, feel sad and unsure.  Look for the positives and the learning.  Shower, get dressed, workout, call your girlfriends and listen to Adele on repeat. Analyze your behaviors; remember what makes you happy and count the many blessings you still have without him. What's meant to be will be.  You are strong. You are fierce. You are beautiful. You will be ok.  You will get through it.

That’s what I keep telling myself.

xo~

 

 

 

 

That's Not Fair and It's Better That Way

Today my dear readers, I am going to rant about the issue of fairness. I hope you don't think that is unfair to read my rant...but if you do, you can stop reading at any time. That makes it fair, right?  I'm super frustrated with the intolerance and misunderstanding the concept. So when things strike me, I'm writing about them. Here goes...

fair·ness

ərnɪs/ Show Spelled

noun

1. the state, condition, or quality of being fair, or free from bias or injustice; evenhandedness:

2. free from discrimination, dishonesty, etc; just; impartial

Nowhere in that definition does is say that everyone should get the same things that everyone else gets.  Nowhere in that definition does is say that others won't get something that you do. It also doesn't say that you won't get less at times.  Fairness is hard to understand.  More than reading the literal definition and understanding the concept in general, I do not understand the rush to judgement that something (non-life threatening, of course), "Is not fair".  Hello ~~~ life is not the same for everyone and we don't all get the same things.  Furthermore, why would we want it that way?

Why, as humans, do we not have the gut reaction of support for others over the fear we are missing out or not getting something more or better, even if we don't need more or better?  Why can human nature be so darn negative?  Is that fair?

It is unfathomable that a 7 year old girl is fighting for her life against a deadly form of Leukemia.  It's disgusting that 12 people who went to see the new Batman movie are no longer with us.  It's completely unjust that a precious little boy I know had 3 brain surgeries before he was 3 years old.  These things are unfair. These things are uncontrollable. Yet many times survivors and loved ones find blessings in the unfairness. They get it. They are given no choice.

Life is full of tragedy and injustice but when it comes to other issues that we have full control over, such as offering schedule flexibility to a new mother, providing a student without means, the means to do something great, or offering help, coaching or support to a struggling teammate, is it considered to be unfair??? 

Can't our first reaction be that of support, encouragement, love, consideration, teamwork, thankfulness and hope that if and when we need some "fairness", the same might be offered to us?  Can't we look at the those situations and trust that the decisions being made are in the best interest of everyone involved? Are we so far gone, that we can longer be kind?  And, if we are kind, why on earth is that considered to be unfair?

If fairness meant that everyone got the same treatment, the same pay, the same scope of responsibility, the same type of flexibility or inflexibility, the same, the same, the same....life would be pretty freaking dull, predictable, unimaginative and lack a ton of motivation. People would be droning around the world in the typical probably wearing flats. Yuck!

Fairness isn't about getting the same. It's about being unbias and being free from dishonesty.  It's about giving each other what we need to be successful. It's finding creative ways to lift each other. It's about being more. It's selfless. If we think about in those terms before claiming something is unfair, I think most of us (myself definitely included) would come to realize, we have all we need, we sometimes get more than we need, we sometimes lose, but in the end, we are beyond fortunate and we should be happy with what we have.

Please, before you rush to make a claim of unfairness, stop, think and do the following first.

Be kind. Be flexible. Be open. Don't jump quickly to conclusions. Don't be selfish. Be thankful. Be understanding. Have compassion.  And, most importantly, be a friend first.

Then tell me if it's unfair.

xo~
Elizabeth

Goo…Can “It” Last Without It?

Goo, is what I call it. Some call it passion.  Some mistake it for love.  Some have never had it.  It’s that gooey, smiley, giddy, wonderful feeling you have when you are falling in love and you feel blissfully happy with a significant other. It’s indescribable and you can’t mistake it.  It’s addicting, amazing, and uncontrollable.  It’s deceptive, unconditional and it’s so very hard to capture and sustain. It’s goo.

Here’s the question, can a relationship survive the long haul without it?  The answer is probably.  I’m certain there are cases where couples have been married forever and they haven’t felt goo in forever. Everyone I’ve talked to says that the goo fades with time or it ebbs and flows throughout the relationship based on life’s path.  Not one person I’ve met has ever said they have it all the time, 100%, with their partner.  Some have even told me that they have never had that type of feeling for their significant other. Based on this research the answer seems to be yes, relationships are sustainable without it, at least so far for those people.

So for the purposes of this blog, I’m going to leave those couples out who say they have never had it because I believe if you have experienced true goo (not just a crush or lust) I don’t believe you will be truly happy without it. I believe it is that powerful. Don’t get me wrong, you won’t physically die if you don’t have it. You can live a perfectly fine life.  But I really don’t believe you can sustain a healthy, happy, committed, loyal and fun relationship for years and years without it.

Relationships are work.  Everyone knows that. Without the goo, they will be much, much harder. There has to be something about your relationship that keeps you coming back, keeps you committed, keeps you trying and keeps you gooey.  Initially it should be easy.  It’s chemistry or attraction.  It’s the butterflies you get when he calls or texts when he says he will.  It’s the fun and excitement of Friday night date night…even if that means take-out and pj’s on the couch. That goo can grow into a deeper connection based on mutual respect, trust, interests, wants, needs and/or desires. From there you grow in love and see your partner in ways that make him more attractive to you…only you. That exclusivity makes more goo.  He becomes your best friend. You might move-in together, get a house, get married, get a dog or have children…all this should lead to more goo. 

But also along with that fairy tale story are careers, friends, chores, demands, stress, money, families, houses, broken things, illness, homework, uncertainties, in-laws, parties, holidays, football, what’s for dinner, crying kids, barking dogs…so many other outside influences trying to do everything in their power to steal your goo, bring you down and tear you apart.

I’ve been in relationships where most things, like caring, trust, stability (all important no doubt) are present. But the goo was missing.  I’ve been in relationships where the goo was there daily but some of the other things were missing.  Neither has worked. The relationship with the goo made me relentlessly try, fiercely fight to keep it and I felt happier than the ones without.  I seriously smile more when goo is in my life.

Goo can ebb and flow. It can even be non-existent at times.  Goo can bring you back from dark places that you thought were hopeless.  But, even when it’s easy, you have to work on keeping it.  There are things I believe both of you must do to sustain it.

♥       You have to communicate.

♥       You have to love, unconditionally.

♥       You have to be yourself. 

♥       You have to have date nights…with each other and without. 

♥       You have to have independence. 

♥       You have to stay grounded. 

♥       You have to be honest, brutally honest.

♥       You have to have passion for other things.

♥       You have to be strong. 

♥       You have to show weakness.

♥       You have to be loyal.

♥       You have to be committed. 

♥       You have to forgive.

♥       You have to compromise.

♥       You have to trust him like no other. 

♥       And, you must stand united against everyone and everything working to bring you  down.

Goo will not only help you do all of those things, if you do those things, the goo with grow and stay in your life.  And, 20, 30, 40 or 50 years later, you and that gooey partner of yours will be sitting somewhere sharing a bottle of wine, eating dinner or watching The Price is Right.  You will be holding hands.  You will be smiling and you will be happy.  That’s what I want.

And, I believe goo is what makes “it” last.

xo ~ Elizabeth