Goo, is what I call it. Some call it passion. Some mistake it for love. Some have never had it. It’s that gooey, smiley, giddy, wonderful feeling you have when you are falling in love and you feel blissfully happy with a significant other. It’s indescribable and you can’t mistake it. It’s addicting, amazing, and uncontrollable. It’s deceptive, unconditional and it’s so very hard to capture and sustain. It’s goo.
Here’s the question, can a relationship survive the long haul without it? The answer is probably. I’m certain there are cases where couples have been married forever and they haven’t felt goo in forever. Everyone I’ve talked to says that the goo fades with time or it ebbs and flows throughout the relationship based on life’s path. Not one person I’ve met has ever said they have it all the time, 100%, with their partner. Some have even told me that they have never had that type of feeling for their significant other. Based on this research the answer seems to be yes, relationships are sustainable without it, at least so far for those people.
So for the purposes of this blog, I’m going to leave those couples out who say they have never had it because I believe if you have experienced true goo (not just a crush or lust) I don’t believe you will be truly happy without it. I believe it is that powerful. Don’t get me wrong, you won’t physically die if you don’t have it. You can live a perfectly fine life. But I really don’t believe you can sustain a healthy, happy, committed, loyal and fun relationship for years and years without it.
Relationships are work. Everyone knows that. Without the goo, they will be much, much harder. There has to be something about your relationship that keeps you coming back, keeps you committed, keeps you trying and keeps you gooey. Initially it should be easy. It’s chemistry or attraction. It’s the butterflies you get when he calls or texts when he says he will. It’s the fun and excitement of Friday night date night…even if that means take-out and pj’s on the couch. That goo can grow into a deeper connection based on mutual respect, trust, interests, wants, needs and/or desires. From there you grow in love and see your partner in ways that make him more attractive to you…only you. That exclusivity makes more goo. He becomes your best friend. You might move-in together, get a house, get married, get a dog or have children…all this should lead to more goo.
But also along with that fairy tale story are careers, friends, chores, demands, stress, money, families, houses, broken things, illness, homework, uncertainties, in-laws, parties, holidays, football, what’s for dinner, crying kids, barking dogs…so many other outside influences trying to do everything in their power to steal your goo, bring you down and tear you apart.
I’ve been in relationships where most things, like caring, trust, stability (all important no doubt) are present. But the goo was missing. I’ve been in relationships where the goo was there daily but some of the other things were missing. Neither has worked. The relationship with the goo made me relentlessly try, fiercely fight to keep it and I felt happier than the ones without. I seriously smile more when goo is in my life.
Goo can ebb and flow. It can even be non-existent at times. Goo can bring you back from dark places that you thought were hopeless. But, even when it’s easy, you have to work on keeping it. There are things I believe both of you must do to sustain it.
♥ You have to communicate.
♥ You have to love, unconditionally.
♥ You have to be yourself.
♥ You have to have date nights…with each other and without.
♥ You have to have independence.
♥ You have to stay grounded.
♥ You have to be honest, brutally honest.
♥ You have to have passion for other things.
♥ You have to be strong.
♥ You have to show weakness.
♥ You have to be loyal.
♥ You have to be committed.
♥ You have to forgive.
♥ You have to compromise.
♥ You have to trust him like no other.
♥ And, you must stand united against everyone and everything working to bring you down.
Goo will not only help you do all of those things, if you do those things, the goo with grow and stay in your life. And, 20, 30, 40 or 50 years later, you and that gooey partner of yours will be sitting somewhere sharing a bottle of wine, eating dinner or watching The Price is Right. You will be holding hands. You will be smiling and you will be happy. That’s what I want.
And, I believe goo is what makes “it” last.
xo ~ Elizabeth
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