Getting over “It’.

If only it were that easy....

Get over it! You’ve heard that command a thousand times, right?  But riddle me this…How does one get over love? That is the question.  Is it possible to leave love behind or does it have to leave you behind?  When do you take the good things with you and leave the bad behind?  Do you just wake up one day knowing you were not meant to be with the person you spent time planning on being meant to be? If that is the case, how long does that take?

Many of us have been there…the fetal position in tears on the floor after you and your boyf, girlf, or love of your life has left. Regardless of the reason for the break-up, the next few days, weeks or sometimes years are a blur. You are a ball of sadness, depression, tears, darkness and questions.  Why didn’t this one work out?  What could I have done differently? What didn’t I see in the moment that I can now see looking back?  What did this Mr. Right have that I can’t live without in my next Mr. Right? And, do you ever really get over real love? Are the ones you get over, impostures of love?

Growing up as a girl we watched our favorite princesses’ ride off into the sunset with their prince.  They met them and knew instantly they were their One Love.  They lived happily ever after.  As an adult, I can’t even fathom what happily ever after means.  I see many of my married friends live long happy lives with their husbands and families, but it is certainly not easy.  For the single girls we are searching for our One Love.  We are looking for the one we can ride off into the sunset with. We may have found one or two along the way who we thought were our One Loves, but for whatever reason it doesn’t work out.

Love is gooey, fun, happy, contagious, amazing, beautiful, addicting, blissful and uncontrollable.  You can feel when you are in the presence of true love.  It warms you on the inside.  When you truly love someone, you want them to be happy and you want that more than you care about your own personal happiness.  You put someone else’s needs ahead of your own needs.  You want to do right by the one you love and loving someone else makes an individual a better person. 

I can control many things…my whereabouts, the company I keep, the amount of times I stop at Starbucks weekly, the places I go for fun, the situations I put myself in and my sleep number, if I had a sleep number.  Happiness can be built.  I know that’s a fact because I’ve built it.

But I can’t control love.  I can’t control its arrival or its departure. It grows or fades out of our experiences and interactions. I don’t believe that the goo you feel for another can be forced, contrived or faked. It can be there one day and gone the next…with little or plenty of warning.  And even if you think you love someone, it might not be magical enough to go the distance.

I don’t know that love is ever “gotten over”.  You can get over the sadness and heartbreak but there certainly is no HOV lane to Overitville. You have to drive a beatass Pinto, in the slow lane, in rush hour traffic, through DC, before you feel better. You start by getting off the floor, showering, and get dressed.  You put one foot in front of the other and you begin again.  Eventually, your heart beings to heal.  The sadness passes.  The memories fade.  You build new happiness and your life keeps moving.  That’s the way it is.  Part of that love though, will always be with you. You are the person you are because of that love. 

I also know that the One Love never quits, leaves, walks away or fails. It stays, even if it’s hard.

So while it might be painfully hard to move on, I have to believe that if he or she is your One Love, they will be.  Take your love for them with you and start again.   Letting go of anyone you care for is one of life’s hardest things to do. It’s especially hard if he had One Love potential.  But know that One Love may not come in the time or package we want it to come, but when the time and the person are right, One Love will come.  You both will know it.

If you really love one who could be your One Love, love him more than yourself and give him what he needs. In time, the answer will reveal itself.  And, it will be the right answer for both of you.

In the meantime, trust your gut, feel sad and unsure.  Look for the positives and the learning.  Shower, get dressed, workout, call your girlfriends and listen to Adele on repeat. Analyze your behaviors; remember what makes you happy and count the many blessings you still have without him. What's meant to be will be.  You are strong. You are fierce. You are beautiful. You will be ok.  You will get through it.

That’s what I keep telling myself.

xo~