Remembering Stella

Beauty, Grace, Strength, Fun and Love

Cabin Christmas 2005
P.S. My mom still has that M&M's sweatshirt.  :-)

It's been 3 years since she left us.  3 years today. On the day she left, it was much colder than it is today.  On that day, it actually snowed a bit, which was perfect because she loved the snow. She loved the warm sun too.  She loved life, loved her family and loved having fun. She was one of those people who just oozed love.  In fact, if you were a friend, you became family. She was a kind hearted person with a dog's soul.  That's probably why we loved her so much and we continue to miss her everyday.

She was kind, fun, adventurous, serious, hard-working, dedicated, budget conscious, direct, a great cook, supportive, a beautiful wife, an amazing mama, a super fantabulous friend and an all around wonderful person. She took care of everyone and everything. When making breakfast, she would make extra pancakes for the pups. She loved her animals, they were family.  Her laugh was contagious. Her smile was so very bright. She loved things that sparkle.  She loved vacationing to warm and cold places.  She was so proud of her baby girl...they were best friends. She was an artist and the best Pictionary player ever.  She loved potato chips and chocolate.  When I was a little girl, she told me she couldn't wait to retire so she could go play full-time. She worked hard and she had a zest for life that was so rare, so genuine and so precious, I don't believe I've seen anything quite the same.

True Love, Goo, Best Friends & Life Partners
Colorado Summer 2009

Ultimate Love
2009

 All the memories I have of her are great. Truly great.  Cabin fun (and by fun I mean, her helping to protect us from Scott's shenanigans.  See also: me shouting for her to save me from floating down the creek on a small piece of floating pier fully dressed in brand new shoes, oi vey. ), Disney World, holidays, birthdays, family dinners, boat races, Shanghai Rummy games and so many more.  It's truly hard to capture her presence using only words.  When you were with her, you were in the presence of someone who was truly a shining star.  Her amazing and filling presence was something you felt and no words will ever describe it totally and completely.  You had to feel it to truly understand. We were blessed to feel it. And, to this day, when I think about her, I can still feel it. It warms me from the inside.

She fought hard for a long time. In the face of that horrible cancer, she continued to have fun, love and live her life. She traveled and played until the very end. She smiled and shared and she didn't miss a beat.  In her last days, when we all knew the end was near, she kept us smiling.  From another room, she knew exactly when Sara was putting the wrong kind of cheese in the lasagna. She knew she wouldn't be here to see and experience so much more of our lives.  But, her zest for life and love was with her until the very end.  Her spirit was never broken. She had no regrets.  She was so full of grace and love that it brings me to tears....3 years later.

Today, I remember our last conversation and her instructions to me...take care of my girl, make sure the cabin is a party house (and bring food because Scott won't grocery shop), have fun and always be happy.

As you'd expect her words were poignant, direct, loving and heartfelt.  And, the instructions are words to live by.  We miss you everyday Stella. We play as much as possible, your girl is following her dreams (which I suspect you would have loved her doing), we party at the cabin and we are striving for happiness everyday.  I'm thinking about you today and I miss you everyday.

Thank you for being you and loving us so much while you were here.  You loved us as daughters, you made us feel so very important and you always made us happy.  You've given me Beautiful Perspective and you will always, always be a bright, shining star in my life. 

Until we meet again.

xo~

The whole bunch of us

Cabin Walk "Stella's Walk" 2007

Can you really die of a broken heart?

What a question, right?  Some people would say no, you cannot actually die of a broken heart.  Others would say you absolutely can. Technically people die from broken hearts all the time…probably daily.  Biologically speaking of course you can surely die from a broken heart. Hearts break. They are fragile and not easy to repair.

In this case, I’m not writing about technically dying of a broken heart because we know that is true.  It can and does happen. This is a grander, more thought provoking; can one die of a broken heart question? 

My grandparents recently passed away.  My mom mom died in December 2011 and my pop died about 2 weeks ago. They were married for 62 years.  62 YEARS…I can’t even imagine.  That’s a long a$$ time. Now, don’t misunderstand, everything wasn’t perfect, they argued, and drove each other nuts, at times.  Many times they were not that sweet old couple who most of us picture sitting on a park bench together.  Growing old wasn’t easy on either of them.  It was challenging and they needed help to make it to the end.  But, they stuck it out together and, no matter what, at the end of each day, it was each other who they always wanted to be with.  They had the goo.

He was forever bickering at her for forgetting things and she was forever bickering at him for bickering with her. He could be grumpy and he was the man of the house.  She cooked and cleaned and kept an amazing house.  She fed the birds, had a million house plants and she regularly shampooed the carpets, the curtains and the lawn. Yes you read that correctly, she shampooed the lawn.  She was a great wife.  He loved working outside in the yard, he planted millions of flowers, he decorated like nobody could for Christmas and he enjoyed everything about baseball.  We aren’t quite sure who was more stubborn, him or her. They had one son who they both adored. They threw an annual holiday bash that I hear was super fun in its hay day and they had plastic covers on their couches. She was a strong woman well ahead of her time in many ways.  He was a hard working southern man who liked things a certain way; his way. They were opposites and they genuinely loved each other.

It worked for them that way for 62 years.  She lived her final days in their house and she died surround by his love.  His health had been in steady decline since December and for the last 8 months of his life he lived alone in a house full of memories of her. 

She died of complications from several illnesses of “old age.”  Technically, he died of complications from fluid on his lungs.

I know many readers have had broken hearts.  Sadly, most people have sustained some sort of heart-breaking loss.  Broken hearts where you don’t think you will get through. Broken hearts that cause you to be paralyzed in a world of darkness where you can’t see a future. Broken hearts that bring you tears for years after the loss.  Broken hearts where you lose a piece of yourself that you think you’ll never get back. Broken hearts where a piece of your heart goes with that lost person and is forever gone.  It’s a sad aspect of this thing called life.

On the bright side, most of us do not physically die from these broken hearts.  And, even more important is that most of our hearts begin to heal with time. We are resilient and strong and we press on. While a piece of us may be left behind with our broken heart, most times we can look back and remember the joy before the pain of the loss. We can feel love in our heart and we can be happy again.  Love for the lost person or love for a new person can mend and refill our broken heart and at the same time, never let us forget.  Love is the glue that holds us together when everything else deserts us and love has the beautiful grace to save us.

But there are occasions, where after 62 years of faithful partnership and love, the heart may never quite heal the way it should. Where his partner was an integral part of his connection to this world and he knew he lived a full, happy and complete life.  His body was weak from old age, his health was failing, he could no longer do the things he loved to do and he was tired. I think this was when one loving husband knew it was time to let go and be with his exquisite wife in peace forever.   

So, yes I do believe you can die from a broken heart and in this case, it was in the most beautiful, peaceful, blessed and loving way.

1990 ~ Enjoying my parents wedding

Rest in peace mom mom and pop. Enjoy heaven’s garden together forever. I'm certain the flowers will be immaculate and you both will be smiling. And, we know that all the birdies (and squirrels) will be stuffed full and singing for you daily.

xo ~

Miss Elizabeth