Remembering Stella

Beauty, Grace, Strength, Fun and Love

Cabin Christmas 2005
P.S. My mom still has that M&M's sweatshirt.  :-)

It's been 3 years since she left us.  3 years today. On the day she left, it was much colder than it is today.  On that day, it actually snowed a bit, which was perfect because she loved the snow. She loved the warm sun too.  She loved life, loved her family and loved having fun. She was one of those people who just oozed love.  In fact, if you were a friend, you became family. She was a kind hearted person with a dog's soul.  That's probably why we loved her so much and we continue to miss her everyday.

She was kind, fun, adventurous, serious, hard-working, dedicated, budget conscious, direct, a great cook, supportive, a beautiful wife, an amazing mama, a super fantabulous friend and an all around wonderful person. She took care of everyone and everything. When making breakfast, she would make extra pancakes for the pups. She loved her animals, they were family.  Her laugh was contagious. Her smile was so very bright. She loved things that sparkle.  She loved vacationing to warm and cold places.  She was so proud of her baby girl...they were best friends. She was an artist and the best Pictionary player ever.  She loved potato chips and chocolate.  When I was a little girl, she told me she couldn't wait to retire so she could go play full-time. She worked hard and she had a zest for life that was so rare, so genuine and so precious, I don't believe I've seen anything quite the same.

True Love, Goo, Best Friends & Life Partners
Colorado Summer 2009

Ultimate Love
2009

 All the memories I have of her are great. Truly great.  Cabin fun (and by fun I mean, her helping to protect us from Scott's shenanigans.  See also: me shouting for her to save me from floating down the creek on a small piece of floating pier fully dressed in brand new shoes, oi vey. ), Disney World, holidays, birthdays, family dinners, boat races, Shanghai Rummy games and so many more.  It's truly hard to capture her presence using only words.  When you were with her, you were in the presence of someone who was truly a shining star.  Her amazing and filling presence was something you felt and no words will ever describe it totally and completely.  You had to feel it to truly understand. We were blessed to feel it. And, to this day, when I think about her, I can still feel it. It warms me from the inside.

She fought hard for a long time. In the face of that horrible cancer, she continued to have fun, love and live her life. She traveled and played until the very end. She smiled and shared and she didn't miss a beat.  In her last days, when we all knew the end was near, she kept us smiling.  From another room, she knew exactly when Sara was putting the wrong kind of cheese in the lasagna. She knew she wouldn't be here to see and experience so much more of our lives.  But, her zest for life and love was with her until the very end.  Her spirit was never broken. She had no regrets.  She was so full of grace and love that it brings me to tears....3 years later.

Today, I remember our last conversation and her instructions to me...take care of my girl, make sure the cabin is a party house (and bring food because Scott won't grocery shop), have fun and always be happy.

As you'd expect her words were poignant, direct, loving and heartfelt.  And, the instructions are words to live by.  We miss you everyday Stella. We play as much as possible, your girl is following her dreams (which I suspect you would have loved her doing), we party at the cabin and we are striving for happiness everyday.  I'm thinking about you today and I miss you everyday.

Thank you for being you and loving us so much while you were here.  You loved us as daughters, you made us feel so very important and you always made us happy.  You've given me Beautiful Perspective and you will always, always be a bright, shining star in my life. 

Until we meet again.

xo~

The whole bunch of us

Cabin Walk "Stella's Walk" 2007

Back from Vacation...Baby

I'm back from my absolutely fantabulous summer vacation and it's hotter here than near the equator.  Yikes!

I was gone for over 3 weeks and it was amazing.  It was a lovely break and it had everything I could have possibly asked for...love, family, white sand beaches, crystal clear blue ocean, yummy food, dance parties, a dreaded but turned out to be more than acceptable road trip, fresh mountain air, a step back into a simpler time and one absolutely perfect baby boy.

The first part of my vacation has become an annual tradition thanks to my most generous sister and brother-in-law.  We spent 16 glorious days sailing in the Caribbean.  We went to Tortola, St. John, St Croix, Cooper Island, Buck Island, Cinnamon Bay, Virgin Gorda, Jost Van Dyke, Marina Cay, Scrub Island and back to Tortola.  This vacation is so hard to describe but I will...just not in this post.

The week of July 4th, we spent in Wolfeboro, New Hampshire, "The Oldest Summer Resort in America".  The population in this town is about 6000.  My boyf and his family probably know 5999 of the 6000 people living there. It's a small, one (blinking) traffic light town where everyone knows everyone and everyone and I mean everyone, goes to the annual July 4th parade...dressed in July 4th apparel.  It's a surreal and fantastic experience.

Most importantly on this trip, we met the newest member of the family while in Wolfey. Born in March, my boyf's nephew, AKA "Baby Kitty", was personally introduced to us at 3 months old.  And, he is nothing short of fabulous.  We spent the week with him where we were blessed to be able to help take care of him.  He won't remember this time in his life or the experience of us taking care of him and we will never forget.

Baby Kitty's mama is doing big things and going big places.  For a portion of the summer, she was in training to become some kind of brilliant environmental safety something-really-smart manager. So for 4 weeks, she had to leave Baby Kitty in the care of his extended family...his grandparents, his uncle, his great aunt, a couple of super cousins and, for one week, us.  Thanks to Skype, mama and Baby Kitty could see each other daily.  But, even with the daily phone calls, I know it was extremely hard for her to be away from him...she couldn't touch him, smell him, or hug and kiss him daily. She's one strong mama in so many ways. I admire her strength and determination.

Thankfully, she is also extremely generous and she let us fill in for her for a week.  Meme (Baby Kitty's Mama's Mom) also shared him with us...which, frankly is not easy to do. I didn't like sharing him at all.  In fact, I was a Baby Kitty hog.  He's hard to share for many reasons. The biggest being that he is, simply put, the best baby on the planet.  I thought my most precious nieces were the best babies on the planet but Baby Kitty gives them a run for the title. 

The child NEVER cries.  NEVER.  And I mean NEVER.  He's on a schedule, but he can be flexible. He smiles all the time.  He chows down every bottle.  He goes night-night, easily.  He sleeps through the night...for nearly 12 hours.  He snuggles.  He loves playing. He loves the water.  He loves dogs. He tells the best baby babbling stories. And, he really loves football games.  Side note, we played football everyday and he particularly likes the plays were Ray Rice breaks a tackle and runs the ball 52 yards for a TD. And he goes nuts when Ed Reed intercepts Tom Brady and takes it to the house.  The kid's awesome...what else can I say?

Anyone who knows me knows that, in general, I like babies.  They are adorable and snugly and fun and most of the time, they like me too.  I'm not nervous around them and they don't scare me.  However, I've never been one to have "Baby Fever".  I've never been the type of woman who just knows she was born to be a mama.  I've pretty much always known I want to be a mama, but I've never had the burning desire, ticking clock or Mother Earth feeling.  However, I've always assumed and still do assume that I will be a mama.

Thanks to my visit with Baby Kitty a few things that I intrinsically knew became even more crystal clear.

1. I would babynap Baby Kitty (and I actually considered this) in a heartbeat.  I really missed him when we left.  I find myself wondering what he's doing and where he's going, and what milestones he crossing. 
2. I have 100% confirmation that I don't need to actually birth a baby to be a mama.  Baby Kitty or a black baby boy would fit just as nicely in my life as my very own birthed baby.
3. Mothers are amazingly strong women. They are fierce.
4. Something happens to mamas when they become grandmamas. There is a certain sense of confidence and ease that grandmamas have that cannot be truly explained, it's only felt and very much NEEDED by new mamas.
5. Lastly, and most profoundly, many times the unexpected things in life become the things you need the most.  You didn't know they were missing but, once found or received, you cannot live without them. They make you stronger, better, happier. They push you beyond what you perceive your limits to be and they give you things you couldn't even imagine having, and now, you cannot imagine living without.  Many people call these things unanswered prayers or blessings or even karma. I call him perfection.

Thank you to Baby Kitty (and his family) for sharing your life with me.   This time in your life is precious and so short.  You will grow up so quickly.  You will bring joy to everyone who loves you for years and years to come. The time spent with you as a little baby will always and forever be cherished. 

It's truly amazing and astonishing to take a step back and feel the love that surrounds that one perfect baby. It's beautiful, joyful, tender, fun, easy, unconditional, so very hard at times, amazing, powerful and unforgettable.  It's perfection. 

It's that a clock I hear ticking???

xo~
Elizabeth

10+ Joys of Dad Visiting

My Dad comes to Maryland every now and then to visit and help my sister and me with home projects.  He and my mom retired to Myrtle Beach (home of the newlywed and nearly dead) about 10 years ago.  He loves golf and she “hates every flake that falls” and is working in a doctor’s office (she always wanted to be a nurse), so it’s a perfect place for them.  We see them for most holidays and they come to visit fairly regularly to see us or more accurately to see my most fantastic nieces.

Since I am not married and I’m completely uninterested in doing my own home improvements (don’t get me wrong, I’m sure if I applied myself, I could do them but I really hate Home Depot and let’s just say my affinity for tools other than those of the hair-styling or make-up application variety, is, well, less than admirable) he comes to stay with me and help me with handyman types of projects.

He’s been here since last week and he came with a mission.  At Christmas, he came to the house to survey the land…aka, take down the list of “Daddy-do’s” and compile his own list of tools and supplies to bring back to complete said list.  Upon his arrival, I was quickly reminded of the joys of having him…

1.   He cooks us delicious dinners and it's ready whatever time we get home from work, 5pm, 8pm, 11:30pm or 7:30am. 

2.   He painted my bedroom in a matter of hours and I didn’t have to step my toe into Home Depot. Awesome. 

3.   He custom built an under the sink cabinet for my bathroom for all my girl bathroom stuff. 

4.   He knows how to hang anything on any kind of wall, neatly, on the first attempt, and it's straight. 

5.   He cleans up after all of us…me, him, Sara and the dog. 

6.   He walks the dog, plays with dog, talks to the dog and now she sleeps with him instead of me. 

7.   I'm not nearly as scared watching crime-based TV when he is there (and there is A LOT of it). 

8.   He's about as low maintenance as it gets...he's happy with store-brand root beer, hot dogs, my mom's Nook for NetFlicks and HD TV. 

9.   He shares my love of spicy foods, cheese on anything, seafood and sweets. 

10.  He senses when to talk and ask questions and when to hold his questions for  another time...girls you know what I'm talking about. 

11. I can't remember many other times (like when he worked 14 hours a day or I wanted him to drop me off at the back door of the mall so my friends didn't see us together) when we could just hang out...no pressure, no rushing, just hanging out and spending time together.

I asked him how long he planned to stay and his response was, “I’ll stay as long as your mother lets me.” It’s likely because he can do most things at my house on his own time and in his own way. He’s retired and he likes to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it.  I can’t wait for retirement, btw. I don’t remind (or nag) him to take his medicine (don’t worry Mama, he takes it every day), the food in MD is amazing (Old Bay is hard to find in MB) and he’s hanging out with us girls. Just as I have 10+ joys of having him, I suspect he has joys when it comes to hanging out with us.

I also suspect that my mom knows all of the above mentioned joys (very well) and that's why she wants him back.  Hang in there Mama…he’ll be back, but not before Tuesday as we have some sweet tickets to the O’s/Yanks game next week. Oh and that’s yet another reason he’s great…he’s an avid in sports fan like me (heck it’s just he and I that even watch sports in our family) that is up for any game anywhere anytime. And, at the Yard, they have all of his faves...they even have hotdogs topped with crab mac and cheese, otherwise referred to as Hotdog Heaven.  On second thought, he just may stay a while longer.

Love him!

It’s Mother’s Day weekend, and let’s face it girls, there wouldn’t be Mama’s without Dads.  I’m very blessed and thankful to have both.

Happy Mother’s Day!

xoxo ~ Elizabeth