Uncontrol

#preach

*Actually written on October 16, 2014. I'm just getting around to publishing this because...well I've been living...living happily I might add.  

Most people like control. I certainly do.  Why do you think we press the imaginary break pedal from the passenger's seat? Or is that  just me?  People like to control as much of their life as they can.  When I speak of control I speak of it in terms of controlling situations, other people and their choices as well as situational outcomes.  I don't speak of it in the same way as choice. We all have control over our choices. 

I like control and I like choice.  I like to take control of my life and I like to make my own choices. Who doesn't?  I'm also (at times) perfectly fine with relinquishing control and putting things out in the universe and letting whatever happen happen.  I like to make others happy so many many times I really so prefer someone else to choose the restaurant location.  But when it comes to how my life is going to go, I don't exactly give up the control easily.  It happens, but those moments are pretty few and far between.  But they do happen.

I'm somewhere in the middle of a control freak who only uses only one very particular kind of gel pen and a hippy.  If you ask my friends I'm pretty sure they will say I'm more of a traveling hippy, that is if hippies wear sparkles and have tons of shoes.  Anyway…

The thing is that there are the uncontrollable things that come along in our lives and turn our worlds upside down.  They come in good ways and in bad ways.  And for me, uncontrol (is that a word)  is often hard. Real hard.  Hard to handle, hard to accept, hard to embrace and hard not to control.  I like having a master plan.  I like it a lot. 

What gives me hope in the uncontrol though is Love (and yes I did capitalize it...it deserves a capital L).  Love is uncontrollable and happens at weird times with weird people in weird places.  It's not about anything other than love. It's simple and so very complex. It's inconvenient and it's messy.  It turns worlds upside down.  It's beautiful and it's fun. Simply put, it's amazeballs.

As many of you know I'm in an in between place in life…between buying a new house and between chucking it all and heading to the beach, between open-toe MK wedges and Frye boots,  between relationships, between heartbreak and open- hearted, between being a cool cat lady and a cat lady QVC shopper who can't seem to find the perfect vacuum to clean up all the cat hair. Right now I am on an airplane and even my music is in between…going from Johnny Gill to Taylor Swift  to Bryan McKnight to Dierks Bentley to John Mayer to Seven Nation Army. How's that for being all kinds of in-between?

Normally if I'm in between, I feel this burning desire to gain control and get out of in between. I'm burning to reel in the uncontrol.  What's next? Why am I in between and how do I get out of this space and onto my life's goals? How quickly can I get back on track and make things happen? How do I gain control??? When will the broken road end with the where I'm supposed to be?  Just typing these questions stress me out.

But this in between time is different.  I feel ok being in between. I feel ok in the uncontrol.  I have faith. I wouldn't say I'm jumping for joy or anything, but I'm not twisted inside.  I'm not burning up.  While I certainly miss the comforts, love & security that came with the life I had planned for myself, I'm coming to embrace Tuesday as trash day…well embrace is a strong word, but I accept it and know I'm ok taking out the trash.  I'm ok not having a plan or not knowing how things will unfold. I'm ok in the moment of uncontrol and I'm ok with the plan unfolding as it does…however it does. I'm ok..even better than ok. I'm good.

More than the daily task-like things that I'm ok with, I'm ok being me and everything that comes with me being me.  It's hard to make any relationship stand the test of time. But for any relationship to stand a chance, we must have a healthy relationship with ourselves first. We must first Love and I mean really Love, who we are as an individual person.  So in this in between time, that's exactly what I'm doing.  I'm taking the chance to and making the choice to embrace and like me.

I'm also cutting WAY back on Facebook. I've decided that I'd rather live my life and like living it rather than watch others "live" their lives.  I don't hate social media.  I love the pictures and love seeing old friends.  I've just decided for me, I want to be doing instead of scrolling. I was with some friends recently and I questioned them on why they were checking their News Feed so frequently.  The answers varied but basically they said, "I'm bored."  I thought about that for a while and I've decided to be bored way way less.  Especially when I'm in the company of good people.  And, I'm good with that.

I'm difficult and driven and silly and competitive and independent and challenging and fashion conscience.  I'm a smart ass who likes to watch Big Bang Theory on reruns. I like to sing but I'm a terrible singer.  I like to use all of my vacation time to go to the beach. I like to travel and I like to think outside of the box.  I seek to find the good in every person I meet.  I like smart people and I like being around people who are smarter than me.  I like to watch and support people who chase their dreams and I love feeling driven and passionate about something. I want to make a difference in the world daily and I don't wash my hair everyday or even every other day. I'm pretty much addicted to manicures, being social, Starbucks, football and Hummus Corner.   And, I'm good with all of that.  And, I'm good being this way all on my own.

Could it be that I've realized that I've spent most of my life in between with very little control?  Don't we all spend a lot of our life being in between?  Do we really ever have control? We are in between relationships, engagements and the wedding, waiting for the baby to get here, waiting to get back to normal sleep patterns after the baby gets here…everything is in between something or another.  This in between time is what I've come to realize is the joy in the journey. And, no matter who else is on the journey with me, I'm with me. And, I need to like me and be me.

And, like Love, the journey is not exactly controllable. We can absolutely control our choices and what we do in this in between time, but we can't always control how long it lasts or when the next in between will arise.  We can't control our length of stay on this planet.  We can't control tragedy.  So, I'm taking my time to embrace joy in this blessed journey I've been given and I'm living fearlessly in Love with myself and my choices because in the end, uncontrollable LOVE always wins. 

In between…be kind, read, exercise, laugh, eat sushi, wear heels, get some sun, take chances, give hugs, say I love you and most of all be with who and do what makes you happy.

XO~ 

We Get the Bling!

Hi Readers!

I'm back after a 3-month hiatus.  During that time, I was out and about living, traveling, sunning, having fun, and enjoying all that is my favorite time of year.

To pick up where I left off and to feed my need to keep things in chronological order because I'm weird that way...On Friday June 7th, we got the BLING.

On Friday June 7th employees and players were invited to an amazing party at 1 Winning Drive to have one last celebration and receive our forever memento...our reason for working here....the one thing that many of us have been waiting season after season for. The ring.

It was a raining day and in classic Ravens style, the team set up valet parking at the front door so that we didn't get wet walking to into the building. (#worldchampproblems) A group of us city peeps got together and went in on transportation. We had a shuttle from the city to our facility. The excitement on that shuttle could not be contained.  We had a mix CD of music made by our fabulous broadcasting dudes to reflect the mood and tone of the evening, which was awesome, in case you had any doubt.

Group transportation to the par-tay

Tried on some bling from the first win.  It didn't suck.

Upon arrival we were greeted by helpers with umbrellas to walk into our Field-house.  The Field-house is a cool place because it houses our indoor practice field and it's a huge part of the training facility. However, typically, it's not what you would consider a party place. Enter, our super fantastic Special Event Manager, who can turn an ordinary athletic field room into a party palace that once inside, you had no idea you were in a Field-house. The glitz and glamour were breathtaking.  The ambiance was upscale, classic with glimpses of purple, lots of bling mixed with total and complete class. Little did we know at the time, that the room was designed to resemble the ring, complete with a sparkly Birdie head rotating in the center bar.  Simply put, it was gorgeous.

A Birdie-head with sparkles, could this be heaven?

Little did we know....

When we entered the room, we were in aw of the beauty and elegance.  On the floor was a huge replica of the Lombardi with the words Super Bowl XLVII Ring Ceremony 06.07.13. We were immediately greeted by a one of our photographers. He snapped pics of us entering with our plus ones. He captured our excitement for the night and later when we saw the pics, we got excited all over again.

We are the 3 best friends there ever was

Coughlan, Edmond Coughlan...and some chicks.

So you can invite us to a fancy party, you can dress us up, you can sass the place up a bit but you can't take the photo bombing antics out of us.

The first part of the evening was a cocktail hour.  We chatted and reminisced about the last 4 months. We got reacquainted with spouses, mothers, fathers and the groups we bonded with during our journey.  After about an hour of cocktail chatter, we were asked to go to our assigned tables (Table 49 for us) and our assigned seats.  The tables, like everything else, were beautifully dressed with enough sparkle to make even the most sparkle loving girl feel there were enough sparkles.  A hard task, I might add.

A time to catch up with some all-time faves.  

Always fun when this girl is involved.

When seated we watched a recap/highlight video of the season that elicited cheers, claps, gasps, sighs of relief, tears of joy, laughter and smiles on each person's face.  After the video, Steve Bisciotti took the stage.  He rarely addresses the entire organization as a whole but certainly, this was an occasion to address every champion in that room.  He talked about how happy he was for each person. He thanked everyone for all of their efforts. He talked about how hard it was to come back and try again after that loss to NE the year before.  He talked about coming back and rising up in the face of challenges.  Set-backs happen. It's how you adjust to the set-backs and come back fighting that gets you where you are destined to be.  He then said that everything we wanted was just within our arm's reach...literally. He instructed us to reach out and pick up the sparkled box that sat right in front of us...our rings were inside.  

How's that for a sparkle box with some major BLING inside?
On a another note, our 2 former 49er employees, sat at table 49 with me.  How sweet it is!

As each person opened their boxes, you could hear and feel the emotions. Pride, joy, love, friendship, winning. Some cried. Some laughed. Everyone smiled and the room erupted in what I can only describe as pure and simply happiness!  It was a beautiful experience.  We immediately put on the bling and began snapping pictures...as evidence, see below.  You should be able to feel the joy coming through. Our expressions will tell you more than my words ever could.

No. Words. Necessary.

All-time bestie and my fantabulous plus one!!

For the rest of the evening, we dined on amazing food, had unlimited open- bar cocktails, danced (and watched Jacoby dance), laughed, took pictures and soaked in every single minute of an experience each of us knows, we may never experience again.  The goal remains the same, to win.  But on that night, a group of people who will be forever linked as Super Bowl XLVII Champions, embraced that feeling of winning, cherished every second of joy that went faster than we all wanted it to go and bonded in a way that will never be recreated.  

Yep...that happened. 

So did that...

The ride was everything we thought it would be. And it was so much more. It is something I will always, always remember and I will forever be more grateful than I'll ever be able to explain, to have experienced. The bling is as fantastic as we thought and it will continue, for years to come, to bring joy to those of us who wear purple.  

Thank you Steve. Thank you Ravens. Thank you friends!

XO~

Cheers!