Have you ever had a friend that you don’t see for weeks or months or years, but whenever you do see them, it’s like no time has passed at all? You are still the best friends you have always been. You fall right back into those awesome feelings of friendship, comfort, trust, joy, love and fun that brought you together in the first place. You’re immediately warmed by simply being in their presence. I have several friends like that. They are fantastic.
Then you can have a friend who was so important to you for a period of time. You talked daily or weekly. They were so significant you couldn’t imagine not having them in your life in any other or any less capacity. But for one reason or another, you lose touch. You don’t talk daily and you don’t even know what’s going on in their world. Life takes you in different directions and your connection to them fades or is lost all together. When you do get together, you don’t fall right back into the greatness of what was. That “it” factor is replaced with reservation, anxiety, doubt and disappointment. I had that happen last night.
One of my best friends and I have drifted apart…for reasons I still don’t really understand. At one point, we could finish each other’s sentences. We lived together for months. We shared her tiny space and we didn’t get sick of each other. After moving into separate houses, we stayed close and talked daily. We shared everything…thoughts, secrets, dreams, fears, and hopes. We were there for each other through everything from fetal position paralyzing break-ups, frustrating family and work trials to amazing world travels and road trips, shopping for the perfect tall girl clothes, sleepovers as adults, home buying, job searches and poolside sweating chatting sessions basking in the glorious sun. We each have an alias personality that both of us know so well about each other that those who don’t know us will believe that is who we are because we know each other that well. We were favorite friends.
We are not favorite friends anymore. I’m not sure how it happened. And, frankly, it sucks. Breaking up with a significant other usually comes with reasons for the break-up…she’s not the one, he cheated, we don’t want the same things, etc. It seems this came out of nowhere. And, it sucks.
Girls are supposed to stick together. This isn’t supposed to happen. Drama between us is expected to stop after high school when we realize that we are nothing without our good girlfriends. Being pretty or popular or landing a cute boy means nothing unless you have your BFF standing right beside you cheering you on, making sure he treats you like the prize she knows you are and then being there to help pick up the pieces when said and now, crappy, cute boy dumps you for the next best thing.
At the end of the day, I do believe that my, now seemingly former, favorite friend would be there in the event of the above mentioned dumping or any other event where only she would be the one I would call. She’s amazing like that. And, that makes this suck all the more. While she would still be there in that emergency event, she’s not there for the daily goods that life dishes. We miss out on the little life events that gave us the ability to finish each other’s sentences. We miss out on the amazing connection that made us favorite friends in the first place. It’s painful, sad and gives me that break-up pit in my stomach.
I don’t believe friendships end for no reason or run their course. The real ones are lifelong. And, I do believe we can get them back from places like this. Like all things worth having, they require effort. They require compromise, trust, commitment, forgiveness, and most of all unconditional love. In this case, this friendship is requiring me to take risks and put myself out there in a way, I’ve not done before. Incidentally, that’s what continues to make this friendship worth it…even when it’s not what it has been in the past; it continues to push me to be better and keeps on challenging me. Love never fails and it is my hope that I will get my Fave Friend back. Perhaps we just need a break from what was to discover what will be.
xo ~ Elizabeth
