Beautiful Perspective

Perspective...coast to coast in 2012 = Blessed
Pacific Beach, California
November 24, 2012

Perspective.  Everyone has it. It can be similar and it can be different.   Depending on where you are, who you are with, what you are doing, and/or when you are doing it, your perspective can change.  It can get stuck one way but then quickly change in a hot second.

I don't want to sound cheesy or bragging, but I am beyond blessed in my life.  I know I've said these things before but I'll say them again, to keep it in perspective. My family ROCKS. I have friends who are family and they make this world a better place everyday. Simply put, they are amazing.  I have a job that I am beyond appreciative for.  I have good health.  I have the freedom to come and go as I please.  I have the world's most fantastic Chuck-it loving dog.  I am surrounded by and have experienced true and beautiful love.  I have so many blessings and I'm so very grateful for them.

Even with all of those blessings, from time to time, I get a little out of joint about life stuff. (See blogs from a couple of weeks ago.) Overall though, I pride myself on doing a good job keeping life in perspective. I try not to get too caught up in things that I can't change or looking at the glass has half-empty. I'm a pretty positive person. But I am human, and stuff gets to me. It gets to all of us.

And, just when stuff starts getting to me, BAM here it comes! It seems that (at just the perfect, has to be heaven sent, moment) something comes along and knocks my perspective right back into place. That's right, something or someone comes along with it worse...much worse  The much worse seems to be endless...a friend of a friend lost their house in a fire over Thanksgiving. They've lost absolutely everything.  A few beautiful friends are survivors of our enemy cancer.  A couple of friends are struggling to have families. Others are going through life challenges...way worse than anything I've gone through.

So when those things come along and give me back my general perspective of, "Hey, my life is not bad at all", it's the wake up call I need.  What's more though, the cold water to the face wake up moment, is that the people who are going through the much worse feel empowered, blessed, and stronger because of their battles. They are warriors, bad asses, fighters, lovers and they appreciate everything...even the much worse. Nothing keeps them down. They get up each and every day and they go on feeling blessed. They fight, see the beauty in their blessings and they smile.

That my friends is Beautiful Perspective.  Talk about life's lessons. Deep life lessons that all of us can use to get better, pay it forward, be kind and make a difference.

Today, the last day of November, is a day for Beautiful Perspective.  Keep it close to you. And use it everyday.

xo~

 

Up, Up and Away

Could the next one be?????

Everyone knows that I love Baltimore. Charm City is a great place. It's just that...charming. And for me pretty darn comfortable.  At the same time, I have to leave from time to time. Staying too long makes me antsy.  I get the urge to leave...often. Perhaps the traveling makes me really appreciate my home town and keeps me settled here.

Last weekend I was in my absolute favorite city, NYC. If you are a follower of my blog, you know how I feel about that great place. It's so very hard for me to leave that city. I could live there. Easily.

This weekend I'm bound for the left coast...San Diego, to be specific. And, I can't wait to get there. 

The past few weeks have been rough ones, so a sunny few days in the land of beautiful beaches and beautiful people surrounded by fun and football should be just what the doctor ordered. Bring on the sun and fun!!

Going through changes leaves most people looking at their life from a different perspective...hind sight. 

• Darn hind sight. That place where you can look back and see the things you did wrong. Learning. 
• Fantastic hind sight. That place where you look back and see what you did right and what you feel great about. Peace. 
• Grateful hind sight. That place where you see and know why you did and said things you did and said.  Perspective. 
• Empowerment hind sight. That place where you can look back and know what you are actually capable of. Strength and Grace. 
• And wow hind sight.  That place where you see what you need to change. Opportunity. 

I'm using my rough spot to really figure things out. (See also: the glass is half full, eternal optimism and something better is coming.) In several ways, I've come to see where I need to make changes and for the first time ever, I think I know actually how to make them. Yay me!!! They won't be easy but that will make them all the better.  If you are curious to about these said changes, fear not, I'll elaborate on the changes at another time.

In other ways and in the meantime, I'm checking out some of my favorite places to see if a geographical change is necessary. I certainly cannot run away. I know this.  But I must say...I'm feeling the urge to run towards something. To go in a different direction or to take a new chance.  To go to something that may have always been inside but I've never been ready to embrace.  I'm not so sure my forever something settled is in Baltimore. What I do know is that I am not nearly as settled as I want to be. And now is the time to learn from my hind-sight view and move forward. 

So...TBD readers. 

In the meantime, California here I come. Will my next flight be a one way?? Who knows at this point. But the possiblilty sure is exciting! Let's see if I really could be a California girl. :-)

xo~

Groundhog Day. My least favorite day...

Not an attractive animal.

Groundhog Day is in February. Cold and dark February. A Groundhog is not an attractive animal. And, I feel like I've been living Groundhog Day...for like years.  It's on a loop where the distance between days varies, but it still comes back to square one. Unsettled.  Looking at a move.  Going some distance alone.

I sincerely believe that everything will work out and this is where I am supposed to be.  I beyond blessed with an amazing family, wonderful friends, a great job, and most of all my health. I'm happy and I try to live life to the fullest.

But it's other stuff...you know a long-term living situation and a life partner that are way up in the air. So far up in the air I can't really see them.

I wrote last week about moving on after love and finding my path again. This week, my walk begins.  But before I start moving forward, I'm examining how I got here so I can be sure not to be here again. I don't like this stop on my path of life.

I know full well my responsibility in the failure of my last relationship. Relationships take two people, so he had responsibility too. But since this is my story to tell, I won't write about his responsibilities. I'll just say he loved me.  Loved me a lot.

I didn't commit 100% at the right time. I was committed but not in the way where he felt it.  Not in the way he needed.  I own that responsibility and I'm learning from it. The ironic (I think it's irony...I always get irony confused with coincidence) thing is that my failure to commit stemmed from being scared of being back in the very position where I stand today.  Groundhog Day. (Notice I stay stand...not lay on the floor in crumpled ball...it's the little things readers.)  So while I was busy being scared and having doubts, he was trying to get through to me.  And, at some point even the most patient and loving person has to move on.  I get it.

You know why I get it?? It's because 3 years ago I was in the exact spot with the one before him.  I knew. He didn't. He wanted to get there. I couldn't keep waiting. Groundhog Day.

And 3 years before that I was in a life that I helped build with a house full of stuff, a 30-year mortgage, a fancy car and a man that would never leave. Trouble was that man didn't love me for me.  He loved me in his way. A way that I've now come to realize wasn't really love.  So, I couldn't stay.

So now, after 3 relationships full of love, and trust me, they were not short on that beautiful and deadly thing called love, I'm back to standing on my own. Groundhog Day. I know I can do it. I've done it before. I'll do it this time.  I'm just getting a little of tired of it.

The good thing about Groundhog Day is that for the first time, I know what I want, why I made many of the choices I made and how those choices are bringing me clarity now. I'm grateful for the clarity. I wish it would have come about 2 weeks earlier.

I can't wish away or wish I had.  Some of it, I have to toss up to fate and love. One Love finds a way. Always. No matter what. Now the action is to live and keep going. Groundhog Day. I do feel better knowing what I know now.  The knowledge will help me get where I'm supposed to be.

In the meantime and to lighten the mood of this post, if anyone wants to help out...here are a few options:

1. Start shopping and spending time and money in Owings Mills (they are getting a Wegmans ~ everybody loves Wegmans, right???) and turn the housing market around so I can get rid of that house I so unfortunately thought was a good idea to buy.
2. Better yet, anyone want to buy a really cozy townhouse in Owings Mills?
3. Anyone need a place to crash for 6 months?  Room for rent in my city pad.  My roomie leaves on January 2 to follow her dreams.  It's a super great location and (besides my craziness) I'm a good roommate. Plus I have Roxy, she makes everything better.
4. I'm probably going to have a lot of free time. Free time left to my own choices usually results in more shoes which, while great for my style, is not good for my budget: see housing situation above. Anyone interested in doing anything fun, I'm your girl.
5. I'm accepting all jokes and reasons to smile that don't involve babies, puppies, houses or boys. All girltime is accepted and welcome.

Birthday with Besties 2010

Girls Cruise circa 2008. Must do this again!

 The walk begins...one graceful step at a time...

xo ~

Getting over “It’.

If only it were that easy....

Get over it! You’ve heard that command a thousand times, right?  But riddle me this…How does one get over love? That is the question.  Is it possible to leave love behind or does it have to leave you behind?  When do you take the good things with you and leave the bad behind?  Do you just wake up one day knowing you were not meant to be with the person you spent time planning on being meant to be? If that is the case, how long does that take?

Many of us have been there…the fetal position in tears on the floor after you and your boyf, girlf, or love of your life has left. Regardless of the reason for the break-up, the next few days, weeks or sometimes years are a blur. You are a ball of sadness, depression, tears, darkness and questions.  Why didn’t this one work out?  What could I have done differently? What didn’t I see in the moment that I can now see looking back?  What did this Mr. Right have that I can’t live without in my next Mr. Right? And, do you ever really get over real love? Are the ones you get over, impostures of love?

Growing up as a girl we watched our favorite princesses’ ride off into the sunset with their prince.  They met them and knew instantly they were their One Love.  They lived happily ever after.  As an adult, I can’t even fathom what happily ever after means.  I see many of my married friends live long happy lives with their husbands and families, but it is certainly not easy.  For the single girls we are searching for our One Love.  We are looking for the one we can ride off into the sunset with. We may have found one or two along the way who we thought were our One Loves, but for whatever reason it doesn’t work out.

Love is gooey, fun, happy, contagious, amazing, beautiful, addicting, blissful and uncontrollable.  You can feel when you are in the presence of true love.  It warms you on the inside.  When you truly love someone, you want them to be happy and you want that more than you care about your own personal happiness.  You put someone else’s needs ahead of your own needs.  You want to do right by the one you love and loving someone else makes an individual a better person. 

I can control many things…my whereabouts, the company I keep, the amount of times I stop at Starbucks weekly, the places I go for fun, the situations I put myself in and my sleep number, if I had a sleep number.  Happiness can be built.  I know that’s a fact because I’ve built it.

But I can’t control love.  I can’t control its arrival or its departure. It grows or fades out of our experiences and interactions. I don’t believe that the goo you feel for another can be forced, contrived or faked. It can be there one day and gone the next…with little or plenty of warning.  And even if you think you love someone, it might not be magical enough to go the distance.

I don’t know that love is ever “gotten over”.  You can get over the sadness and heartbreak but there certainly is no HOV lane to Overitville. You have to drive a beatass Pinto, in the slow lane, in rush hour traffic, through DC, before you feel better. You start by getting off the floor, showering, and get dressed.  You put one foot in front of the other and you begin again.  Eventually, your heart beings to heal.  The sadness passes.  The memories fade.  You build new happiness and your life keeps moving.  That’s the way it is.  Part of that love though, will always be with you. You are the person you are because of that love. 

I also know that the One Love never quits, leaves, walks away or fails. It stays, even if it’s hard.

So while it might be painfully hard to move on, I have to believe that if he or she is your One Love, they will be.  Take your love for them with you and start again.   Letting go of anyone you care for is one of life’s hardest things to do. It’s especially hard if he had One Love potential.  But know that One Love may not come in the time or package we want it to come, but when the time and the person are right, One Love will come.  You both will know it.

If you really love one who could be your One Love, love him more than yourself and give him what he needs. In time, the answer will reveal itself.  And, it will be the right answer for both of you.

In the meantime, trust your gut, feel sad and unsure.  Look for the positives and the learning.  Shower, get dressed, workout, call your girlfriends and listen to Adele on repeat. Analyze your behaviors; remember what makes you happy and count the many blessings you still have without him. What's meant to be will be.  You are strong. You are fierce. You are beautiful. You will be ok.  You will get through it.

That’s what I keep telling myself.

xo~