Eve's are the Best

Merry Christmas Eve

Eve's are my favorite. I like them better than the actual holiday. Eve's are full of anticipation and excitement for the next day. The buzz, the butterflies in your stomach, the craziness is about to begin.  It's so much fun! Birthday Eve, Thanksgiving Eve and Christmas Eve...the best nights of the year.
 
 Most everyone is buzzing around this morning and afternoon, preparing, last minute shopping, wrapping, baking and rushing to get it all in before the big man arrives tonight. At some point on this day though, the rushing stops. A calm and quiet peace takes over. Children are snug and nestled in their beds. The presents are wrapped and ready to be ripped open.  Christmas music is softly playing through the night.  Blessings are counted. It's a time to be grateful and feel the power of the holiday.  Eve's are really the best.

I, too, am doing the same (or I'm about to after I finish this post anyway).  I'm going to head out and grab my last minute items, listen to Christmas music for the last time until next November on my commute home from work and soak in all the love, holiday spirit, excitement and anticipation.  For, this feeling comes only once per year and I like to relish it.

Tonight and tomorrow I will be with my most amazing family and friends.  We will laugh, eat, open presents, play, talk, remember those who cannot be with us and celebrate. We will toast to our many blessings and we will be thankful.

On this Christmas Eve 2012, I would like to wish all of you the Merriest Christmas!  I would also like thank you to anyone who has read my blog this year and supported this endeavor of mine. Thank you for reading. Thank you for your love, kind words, thoughts and your support.  It has been a blessing for me to share this journey with you.  I appreciate every comment and I cherish your support. Thank you for welcoming me into your life.

Have a safe and happy holiday. Enjoy the rush, the calm and the rush. Love out loud and eat cookies!

Merry Christmas!

xo~

Holiday Happiness

Just because.  :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKj92352UAE 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dGOfFbzvq4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXQViqx6GMY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jyCfRHumHU

Anyone who knows me knows that I really don't need a reason to celebrate.  Life alone is a reason to celebrate.

Me: "Hey, it's Monday and we've lost 3 games in row, we should get together and celebrate...something, with dirty martinis."

And I hate missing out, on anything fun. I seriously suffer from FOMO.

I've always been social (ask anyone who knows me, they will tell you that I like to talk and party) and I've always enjoyed being surrounded by people I love. I'm typically the last to leave most places (unless of course I have to leave to rush off to the next fun place). I love to have plans and I love to celebrate stuff...little stuff, big stuff, birthdays, 1/2 birthdays, holidays, seasons, summer, snow, hurricanes, whatever!  I love having family dinner on Sundays, mainly because, it brings us together in celebration of life.  I subscribe to the philosophy that you can sleep when you're dead. I mean really, other than haunting people, what else is there to do when you are dead??? 

So, you can imagine how the holidays are for me....insanely fun!  I'm quite certain, it's not just me who experiences this holiday mayhem. See also: going to the mall between December 15th and 24th. Life this time of year can be crazy and filled with all kinds of opportunities to celebrate and be happy. 

For the past 3 weeks, I've basically been enjoying everything the holidays have to offer. I'm doing everything in my power not to miss any celebrations, even if it means I'm double (ok triple) booked.  I've traveled north and west (Side question, anyone up for going south next?), spent time with most all of my amazing friends and family, decorated our house, wore an ugly but fabulous sweater all around town, I still have plans to go to 34th Street, I've had a fair amount of (lite) eggnog, put a holiday collar on my pup, participated in 2 wintry/festive races, shopped for presents, I'm planning on wrapping presents, baked a bunch of cookies, had our book club holiday party, 2 words: Festive Flavors, and I'm doing some charitable stuff. In other words, I'm getting it ALL in!

Santa Speedo Annapolis, MD
New family tradition

The holidays can be hectic and frantic for many reasons, but I choose to embrace everything about them. The reason for the season, the hecticness, the sparkles, the love, the people, the presents, the food, the shopping and lack of parking at the mall, the giving, the joy (and sometimes sadness), the movies, the music and the celebrations.  I'm embracing all of it.

In light of the tragic and absolutely horrible events that occurred last Friday, embracing the joy that comes this time of year is the very least I can do.  While I cannot control anything that actually happened that day, I can live on, love, give back, embrace the happiness, and celebrate life.  Those terrible events serve as a sad reminder, that while we are hectic, busy and sometimes out of time and patience, these little and many celebrations show us that life is good and we are blessed beyond words. 

So in celebrating this season, be happy and be with those who make you happy, take a moment to reflect, celebrate, give back, drink wine and eat the bad-for-you-but-oh-so-delicious food, show those you love that you love them, don't waste time, and be grateful for absolutely every little and big blessing in your life. Live for those that cannot and celebrate everyday.

You can sleep later. Now is the time to live your life!

My thoughts and prayers go out to anyone suffering a loss in Newtown or anywhere else. You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice. Absolute truth in the face of anything requires you to be stronger than you ever thought you could be.  May you continue to harness your inner strength and begin to heal. 

Happy Holidays!

xo~

Where is the Rewind Button?

Super Powers Activate!

I've often thought that life needs a rewind button. Many of us have probably awaken on a morning or two thinking, "Oh wow...did that really happen?"  But, this is not about do-overs or second chances, this is about redos. I've said for years that if I could have a super power (besides teleportation because you know I can't pick just one of anything), it would be to rewind life and live some moments again, kinda like Kenny Chesney wants to Live Those Songs Again, but for real.

Now, the catch is that you can't change the moments, the outcome, how or where they happened or the results and present day circumstances. I know, it's tricky to put restrictions on super powers, but it's my blog and I do what I want.  :-) The only option is to rewind and live those moments again. Life with a DVR button. You can be in them, feel them, smell them and experience them all over again. You can relive your feelings of happiness, joy, excitement, bliss, goo, whatever! A.Mazing, right?

I'm sure many people would love to relive moments...weddings, birthdays, vacations, life accomplishments, time with loved ones who have left us, etc. Obviously, life doesn't work that way, but wouldn't it be cool if it did? 

I've been mentally compiling my list of relivable moments for years now and if an event makes the list, it generally stays. Right now, I have about 5 of them in the mix. 5 really good kick-ass periods in time where I felt either blissfully happy, blissfully in love or had time with someone I love so much but can't talk to now. Mine are also moments/events of my adulthood. I have some from my childhood, but these relivable ones tend to be from my adulthood. My moments or events are ones that involve relationships with other people.  They aren't shining moments of accomplishment, like say, a college graduation, even though that was a great feeling.

Right now, today, here is what I have...in no particular order:

• June 2007. A warm and early summer night.  I was a plus 2 at a friend's daughter's wedding. The warm evening air was perfect. The first smells of summer were beginning to be abundant.  Love was in the air.  The company was amazing. There was dinner, drinks and dancing.  My plus one denied his liking of dancing (I knew better) and only danced in limited circumstances.  This night was one of those circumstances.  The connection I had then was seemingly unbreakable, electric and frankly, amazing. It was so strong and obvious that others at the wedding took notice.  It was one of those you had to be in there moments to even believe they were really possible. Love like that really does exist. Redo!

• March 2006. St. Thomas, VI with my Favorite Friend.  I was free at last!! Free to be me...free to go where I wanted, be with who I wanted and free to live the life I wanted to live. And the first stop in my Freedom Rock life was a beach vacation with one of my most favorite people in the world.  We did all the things we loved....sunning, swimming, beaching, eating, watching softball games, reading, and enjoying each other's amazing company. We pondered the meaning of life, came up with our aliases and dreamed about our future.  Love like that really does exist. Redo!

Favorite Friend Love
March 2006

• Tuesday November 24, 2009. At the cabin, spending the day with Stella. We all knew the end was near and this was our opportunity to soak her in for one of the last times.  She was weak and thin, but she still looked great.  She was her beautiful and shining self. She was smiling and full of grace and love.  We spent the whole day reminiscing about good times and hard times, talking about the future, baking, laughing, going through her jewelry and loving each other.  I got to ask her questions I would have never normally asked and she answered with honesty.  We got to say our goodbyes and she got to tell me what she wanted me to know. It was the saddest happiest and most peaceful day of my life. Love like that really does exist. Redo!

Family Love

 

• July 4, 2012.  Wolfeboro, NH. On this day, we did so much and had such a great time.  We took Baby Kitty to his very first (and likely annual) July 4th parade.  It was a day filled with tradition, love, joy, smiles, happiness and blessings.  The weather was perfect, the baby was amazing and I felt so incredibly blessed and loved. We enjoyed everything the town had to offer and didn't think about life back in the real, fast-paced world. There was something so pure, real and amazing about the day, that it's almost indescribable. The family was together and everyone in this cute little summer town united for a festive celebration of our great country. Love like that really does exist. Redo!

Annual July 4th Parade

Parade Ready Baby Kitty

• July 2007. Rummy Cat, BVI.  I remember this vacation to be one of best of my life.  It was the first time I traveled with my sis and her fam to the Caribbean in the style we've all become now blissfully accustom too.  It was also the first time, we all disconnected from the outside world and had nothing to do but enjoy each other's company, relish some of the most beautiful beaches in the world and relax. We connected with each other on a new level and shared experiences that we will always remember and cherish.  My, now 7 year old niece, was a beautiful 2 year old at that time and she entertained us daily by singing Baby Beluga and reading to us and "New Baby" in the most adorable way. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZJ6SVme1Hs&feature=youtu.be My life was peaceful, settled and full of love and I was surrounded by my most favorite people in the world for 8 days straight. Love like that really does exist. Redo!

Peace, love and joy in the Caribbean
July 2007

Baby Norah Love
Original Pussers 2007

 Obvi, there are many many moments in my life that have been fantastic and I would like to redo...but as of today, if I had my super power, these are the ones I would choose. I felt amazing in them. They were so profound that I knew they would last a lifetime. I also remember not wanting them to end. They were that good. It's not possible to stay in that bliss forever, but if we could just do them again, wouldn't that be so cool?

How about you readers?  What would you choose?

xo~

Remembering Stella

Beauty, Grace, Strength, Fun and Love

Cabin Christmas 2005
P.S. My mom still has that M&M's sweatshirt.  :-)

It's been 3 years since she left us.  3 years today. On the day she left, it was much colder than it is today.  On that day, it actually snowed a bit, which was perfect because she loved the snow. She loved the warm sun too.  She loved life, loved her family and loved having fun. She was one of those people who just oozed love.  In fact, if you were a friend, you became family. She was a kind hearted person with a dog's soul.  That's probably why we loved her so much and we continue to miss her everyday.

She was kind, fun, adventurous, serious, hard-working, dedicated, budget conscious, direct, a great cook, supportive, a beautiful wife, an amazing mama, a super fantabulous friend and an all around wonderful person. She took care of everyone and everything. When making breakfast, she would make extra pancakes for the pups. She loved her animals, they were family.  Her laugh was contagious. Her smile was so very bright. She loved things that sparkle.  She loved vacationing to warm and cold places.  She was so proud of her baby girl...they were best friends. She was an artist and the best Pictionary player ever.  She loved potato chips and chocolate.  When I was a little girl, she told me she couldn't wait to retire so she could go play full-time. She worked hard and she had a zest for life that was so rare, so genuine and so precious, I don't believe I've seen anything quite the same.

True Love, Goo, Best Friends & Life Partners
Colorado Summer 2009

Ultimate Love
2009

 All the memories I have of her are great. Truly great.  Cabin fun (and by fun I mean, her helping to protect us from Scott's shenanigans.  See also: me shouting for her to save me from floating down the creek on a small piece of floating pier fully dressed in brand new shoes, oi vey. ), Disney World, holidays, birthdays, family dinners, boat races, Shanghai Rummy games and so many more.  It's truly hard to capture her presence using only words.  When you were with her, you were in the presence of someone who was truly a shining star.  Her amazing and filling presence was something you felt and no words will ever describe it totally and completely.  You had to feel it to truly understand. We were blessed to feel it. And, to this day, when I think about her, I can still feel it. It warms me from the inside.

She fought hard for a long time. In the face of that horrible cancer, she continued to have fun, love and live her life. She traveled and played until the very end. She smiled and shared and she didn't miss a beat.  In her last days, when we all knew the end was near, she kept us smiling.  From another room, she knew exactly when Sara was putting the wrong kind of cheese in the lasagna. She knew she wouldn't be here to see and experience so much more of our lives.  But, her zest for life and love was with her until the very end.  Her spirit was never broken. She had no regrets.  She was so full of grace and love that it brings me to tears....3 years later.

Today, I remember our last conversation and her instructions to me...take care of my girl, make sure the cabin is a party house (and bring food because Scott won't grocery shop), have fun and always be happy.

As you'd expect her words were poignant, direct, loving and heartfelt.  And, the instructions are words to live by.  We miss you everyday Stella. We play as much as possible, your girl is following her dreams (which I suspect you would have loved her doing), we party at the cabin and we are striving for happiness everyday.  I'm thinking about you today and I miss you everyday.

Thank you for being you and loving us so much while you were here.  You loved us as daughters, you made us feel so very important and you always made us happy.  You've given me Beautiful Perspective and you will always, always be a bright, shining star in my life. 

Until we meet again.

xo~

The whole bunch of us

Cabin Walk "Stella's Walk" 2007

Beautiful Perspective

Perspective...coast to coast in 2012 = Blessed
Pacific Beach, California
November 24, 2012

Perspective.  Everyone has it. It can be similar and it can be different.   Depending on where you are, who you are with, what you are doing, and/or when you are doing it, your perspective can change.  It can get stuck one way but then quickly change in a hot second.

I don't want to sound cheesy or bragging, but I am beyond blessed in my life.  I know I've said these things before but I'll say them again, to keep it in perspective. My family ROCKS. I have friends who are family and they make this world a better place everyday. Simply put, they are amazing.  I have a job that I am beyond appreciative for.  I have good health.  I have the freedom to come and go as I please.  I have the world's most fantastic Chuck-it loving dog.  I am surrounded by and have experienced true and beautiful love.  I have so many blessings and I'm so very grateful for them.

Even with all of those blessings, from time to time, I get a little out of joint about life stuff. (See blogs from a couple of weeks ago.) Overall though, I pride myself on doing a good job keeping life in perspective. I try not to get too caught up in things that I can't change or looking at the glass has half-empty. I'm a pretty positive person. But I am human, and stuff gets to me. It gets to all of us.

And, just when stuff starts getting to me, BAM here it comes! It seems that (at just the perfect, has to be heaven sent, moment) something comes along and knocks my perspective right back into place. That's right, something or someone comes along with it worse...much worse  The much worse seems to be endless...a friend of a friend lost their house in a fire over Thanksgiving. They've lost absolutely everything.  A few beautiful friends are survivors of our enemy cancer.  A couple of friends are struggling to have families. Others are going through life challenges...way worse than anything I've gone through.

So when those things come along and give me back my general perspective of, "Hey, my life is not bad at all", it's the wake up call I need.  What's more though, the cold water to the face wake up moment, is that the people who are going through the much worse feel empowered, blessed, and stronger because of their battles. They are warriors, bad asses, fighters, lovers and they appreciate everything...even the much worse. Nothing keeps them down. They get up each and every day and they go on feeling blessed. They fight, see the beauty in their blessings and they smile.

That my friends is Beautiful Perspective.  Talk about life's lessons. Deep life lessons that all of us can use to get better, pay it forward, be kind and make a difference.

Today, the last day of November, is a day for Beautiful Perspective.  Keep it close to you. And use it everyday.

xo~

 

Up, Up and Away

Could the next one be?????

Everyone knows that I love Baltimore. Charm City is a great place. It's just that...charming. And for me pretty darn comfortable.  At the same time, I have to leave from time to time. Staying too long makes me antsy.  I get the urge to leave...often. Perhaps the traveling makes me really appreciate my home town and keeps me settled here.

Last weekend I was in my absolute favorite city, NYC. If you are a follower of my blog, you know how I feel about that great place. It's so very hard for me to leave that city. I could live there. Easily.

This weekend I'm bound for the left coast...San Diego, to be specific. And, I can't wait to get there. 

The past few weeks have been rough ones, so a sunny few days in the land of beautiful beaches and beautiful people surrounded by fun and football should be just what the doctor ordered. Bring on the sun and fun!!

Going through changes leaves most people looking at their life from a different perspective...hind sight. 

• Darn hind sight. That place where you can look back and see the things you did wrong. Learning. 
• Fantastic hind sight. That place where you look back and see what you did right and what you feel great about. Peace. 
• Grateful hind sight. That place where you see and know why you did and said things you did and said.  Perspective. 
• Empowerment hind sight. That place where you can look back and know what you are actually capable of. Strength and Grace. 
• And wow hind sight.  That place where you see what you need to change. Opportunity. 

I'm using my rough spot to really figure things out. (See also: the glass is half full, eternal optimism and something better is coming.) In several ways, I've come to see where I need to make changes and for the first time ever, I think I know actually how to make them. Yay me!!! They won't be easy but that will make them all the better.  If you are curious to about these said changes, fear not, I'll elaborate on the changes at another time.

In other ways and in the meantime, I'm checking out some of my favorite places to see if a geographical change is necessary. I certainly cannot run away. I know this.  But I must say...I'm feeling the urge to run towards something. To go in a different direction or to take a new chance.  To go to something that may have always been inside but I've never been ready to embrace.  I'm not so sure my forever something settled is in Baltimore. What I do know is that I am not nearly as settled as I want to be. And now is the time to learn from my hind-sight view and move forward. 

So...TBD readers. 

In the meantime, California here I come. Will my next flight be a one way?? Who knows at this point. But the possiblilty sure is exciting! Let's see if I really could be a California girl. :-)

xo~

Groundhog Day. My least favorite day...

Not an attractive animal.

Groundhog Day is in February. Cold and dark February. A Groundhog is not an attractive animal. And, I feel like I've been living Groundhog Day...for like years.  It's on a loop where the distance between days varies, but it still comes back to square one. Unsettled.  Looking at a move.  Going some distance alone.

I sincerely believe that everything will work out and this is where I am supposed to be.  I beyond blessed with an amazing family, wonderful friends, a great job, and most of all my health. I'm happy and I try to live life to the fullest.

But it's other stuff...you know a long-term living situation and a life partner that are way up in the air. So far up in the air I can't really see them.

I wrote last week about moving on after love and finding my path again. This week, my walk begins.  But before I start moving forward, I'm examining how I got here so I can be sure not to be here again. I don't like this stop on my path of life.

I know full well my responsibility in the failure of my last relationship. Relationships take two people, so he had responsibility too. But since this is my story to tell, I won't write about his responsibilities. I'll just say he loved me.  Loved me a lot.

I didn't commit 100% at the right time. I was committed but not in the way where he felt it.  Not in the way he needed.  I own that responsibility and I'm learning from it. The ironic (I think it's irony...I always get irony confused with coincidence) thing is that my failure to commit stemmed from being scared of being back in the very position where I stand today.  Groundhog Day. (Notice I stay stand...not lay on the floor in crumpled ball...it's the little things readers.)  So while I was busy being scared and having doubts, he was trying to get through to me.  And, at some point even the most patient and loving person has to move on.  I get it.

You know why I get it?? It's because 3 years ago I was in the exact spot with the one before him.  I knew. He didn't. He wanted to get there. I couldn't keep waiting. Groundhog Day.

And 3 years before that I was in a life that I helped build with a house full of stuff, a 30-year mortgage, a fancy car and a man that would never leave. Trouble was that man didn't love me for me.  He loved me in his way. A way that I've now come to realize wasn't really love.  So, I couldn't stay.

So now, after 3 relationships full of love, and trust me, they were not short on that beautiful and deadly thing called love, I'm back to standing on my own. Groundhog Day. I know I can do it. I've done it before. I'll do it this time.  I'm just getting a little of tired of it.

The good thing about Groundhog Day is that for the first time, I know what I want, why I made many of the choices I made and how those choices are bringing me clarity now. I'm grateful for the clarity. I wish it would have come about 2 weeks earlier.

I can't wish away or wish I had.  Some of it, I have to toss up to fate and love. One Love finds a way. Always. No matter what. Now the action is to live and keep going. Groundhog Day. I do feel better knowing what I know now.  The knowledge will help me get where I'm supposed to be.

In the meantime and to lighten the mood of this post, if anyone wants to help out...here are a few options:

1. Start shopping and spending time and money in Owings Mills (they are getting a Wegmans ~ everybody loves Wegmans, right???) and turn the housing market around so I can get rid of that house I so unfortunately thought was a good idea to buy.
2. Better yet, anyone want to buy a really cozy townhouse in Owings Mills?
3. Anyone need a place to crash for 6 months?  Room for rent in my city pad.  My roomie leaves on January 2 to follow her dreams.  It's a super great location and (besides my craziness) I'm a good roommate. Plus I have Roxy, she makes everything better.
4. I'm probably going to have a lot of free time. Free time left to my own choices usually results in more shoes which, while great for my style, is not good for my budget: see housing situation above. Anyone interested in doing anything fun, I'm your girl.
5. I'm accepting all jokes and reasons to smile that don't involve babies, puppies, houses or boys. All girltime is accepted and welcome.

Birthday with Besties 2010

Girls Cruise circa 2008. Must do this again!

 The walk begins...one graceful step at a time...

xo ~

Getting over “It’.

If only it were that easy....

Get over it! You’ve heard that command a thousand times, right?  But riddle me this…How does one get over love? That is the question.  Is it possible to leave love behind or does it have to leave you behind?  When do you take the good things with you and leave the bad behind?  Do you just wake up one day knowing you were not meant to be with the person you spent time planning on being meant to be? If that is the case, how long does that take?

Many of us have been there…the fetal position in tears on the floor after you and your boyf, girlf, or love of your life has left. Regardless of the reason for the break-up, the next few days, weeks or sometimes years are a blur. You are a ball of sadness, depression, tears, darkness and questions.  Why didn’t this one work out?  What could I have done differently? What didn’t I see in the moment that I can now see looking back?  What did this Mr. Right have that I can’t live without in my next Mr. Right? And, do you ever really get over real love? Are the ones you get over, impostures of love?

Growing up as a girl we watched our favorite princesses’ ride off into the sunset with their prince.  They met them and knew instantly they were their One Love.  They lived happily ever after.  As an adult, I can’t even fathom what happily ever after means.  I see many of my married friends live long happy lives with their husbands and families, but it is certainly not easy.  For the single girls we are searching for our One Love.  We are looking for the one we can ride off into the sunset with. We may have found one or two along the way who we thought were our One Loves, but for whatever reason it doesn’t work out.

Love is gooey, fun, happy, contagious, amazing, beautiful, addicting, blissful and uncontrollable.  You can feel when you are in the presence of true love.  It warms you on the inside.  When you truly love someone, you want them to be happy and you want that more than you care about your own personal happiness.  You put someone else’s needs ahead of your own needs.  You want to do right by the one you love and loving someone else makes an individual a better person. 

I can control many things…my whereabouts, the company I keep, the amount of times I stop at Starbucks weekly, the places I go for fun, the situations I put myself in and my sleep number, if I had a sleep number.  Happiness can be built.  I know that’s a fact because I’ve built it.

But I can’t control love.  I can’t control its arrival or its departure. It grows or fades out of our experiences and interactions. I don’t believe that the goo you feel for another can be forced, contrived or faked. It can be there one day and gone the next…with little or plenty of warning.  And even if you think you love someone, it might not be magical enough to go the distance.

I don’t know that love is ever “gotten over”.  You can get over the sadness and heartbreak but there certainly is no HOV lane to Overitville. You have to drive a beatass Pinto, in the slow lane, in rush hour traffic, through DC, before you feel better. You start by getting off the floor, showering, and get dressed.  You put one foot in front of the other and you begin again.  Eventually, your heart beings to heal.  The sadness passes.  The memories fade.  You build new happiness and your life keeps moving.  That’s the way it is.  Part of that love though, will always be with you. You are the person you are because of that love. 

I also know that the One Love never quits, leaves, walks away or fails. It stays, even if it’s hard.

So while it might be painfully hard to move on, I have to believe that if he or she is your One Love, they will be.  Take your love for them with you and start again.   Letting go of anyone you care for is one of life’s hardest things to do. It’s especially hard if he had One Love potential.  But know that One Love may not come in the time or package we want it to come, but when the time and the person are right, One Love will come.  You both will know it.

If you really love one who could be your One Love, love him more than yourself and give him what he needs. In time, the answer will reveal itself.  And, it will be the right answer for both of you.

In the meantime, trust your gut, feel sad and unsure.  Look for the positives and the learning.  Shower, get dressed, workout, call your girlfriends and listen to Adele on repeat. Analyze your behaviors; remember what makes you happy and count the many blessings you still have without him. What's meant to be will be.  You are strong. You are fierce. You are beautiful. You will be ok.  You will get through it.

That’s what I keep telling myself.

xo~

 

 

 

 

Fall Favorites

Everyone knows I'm not a fan of the cooler weather or the shorter days. But in the spirit of embracing life and looking at the positive, I've decided to list some of the great things I love about the fall. See also: it's happening and I have no choice so I need to focus on the great.

Football ~This one is obvious and technically it starts in the summer.  Tailgating (although we can't do it often) is one of the greatest inventions ever. At home, we have been lucky enough to have very few freezing cold games at the Bank.  A warm afternoon leads to a cooler evening.  It's nice to have seasonal weather that helps keep us cool when we are steamed up about our nail biting games that aren't decided until the very last second.



Warm Day in October 2010 wearing our Pink

Tailgating on a WARM fall day = LOVE

Changing Leaves ~ Each morning on my drive to work I go through a winding road where the trees are huge.  In the spring, I'm thrilled when the brown branches turn a beautiful green.  In the fall, they change into amazing fall shades.  I want to take a picture of them because they are gorgeous. But considering the road is winding and I'm not allowed to text and drive, I assume I'm also not allowed to photograph and drive. So this pic will have to do. It's pretty close to what I see daily.



Almost Dolfield Road on the way to the Castle

Seasonal Stuff ~ You know all of that great stuff that comes out for the fall...Pumpkin spice lattes, muffins, cheesecake, candles, hand soap and decorations.  It takes me a while to accept its presence, but once I do, I'm all in.  I've been stalking Pinterest for the perfect fall dessert for about 2 weeks now. Decorations, candles, treats...I go all in. It's true.

Candy Corn ~ Brach's only. 

Fall Fashion ~ It's hard to stuff my flip flop freedom tootsies into my ultra stylish but rather restrictive riding boots, but once I do, I'm pretty OK with it. This is primarily because the need to wear boots is more out of fall fashion fun over necessity.  Scarfs (my fave) are the ultimate accessory when the weather starts to turn.  Most of all it's fun to go through my fall fashions and become reacquainted with my old cozy friends...Sweaters, Ugs, cords and my ultimate BFF, sweat pants. 

TV ~ Admittedly, I'm not a huge TV watcher.  Unlike some of my other friends who shall remain nameless, but you know who you are (FF), I don't have tons scheduled to record on my DVR. But the shows that I do have, I get super excited about their return.  Sheldon gets funnier every year, this could possibly be the year I finally get to meet the mother, I can't wait to see what kind of messes Naomi gets herself into and out of and even though it's kinda boring and way too rainy this year, Blair being on Survivor has got me hooked.

Fires ~ Of. Any. Kind.  Bon, fireplace, gas fireplace, pellet stove, rooftop fire pits, whatev.  They all rock in my world.  If you serve smores and wine along with, I may never leave. Consider yourself warned.

Family Dinners on Sundays ~ Family dinners on Sundays are one of my favorite things in the world, especially in the cooler months.  My mama always cooked a cozy dinner on Sundays when we were little.  It's comforting and absolutely wonderful to smell dinner brewing all afternoon while football is on the TV. When the kids or boys come in from the cool, crisp air where they have been playing (or doing whatever it is boys do in garages), the house is warm and delicious.  Beef stew is on our menu this Sunday...CANNOT WAIT!

HOLIDAYS ~ The summer for me is a 3 month holiday. Every day offers something to celebrate and I'm typically vacationing as much as possible. My co-workers can verify this.  But in the fall, there are actual holidays every month.  You know what this means right??? Decorations, celebrations, family, friends, wine (I convert back to red this time of year, btw), gatherings, gourd ball, parties, Beer Week, baking, presents, Oyster Bowl - it's a holiday in our family, NYC shopping, also a holiday for us, pumpkin carving, mums, Halloween, Thanksgiving, turkey frying, and it moves us right into Christmas which is so exciting!!  Let the celebrations begin!!!



T-Swifty and Bamboo Halloween 2011

Gourd Ball with a stick instead of a bat Turkey Day 2011

College BFF and me on one of our Annual Holidays to NYC circa 2009

Basically anything to do with festive fun, family, friends and food makes me happy...no real surprise there. :-)  What's everyone else enjoy about the change of seasons??

P.S. Baltimore Beer week starts Sunday...how will you celebrate??

xo~
Elizabeth

1 Game, Game 5, Game 7...is it fixed?

Orioles Magic has taken hold of Charm City. The O's are in the Playoffs for the first time in 15 years!!

Much like when the Ravens are in the post-season, many city businesses are showing their team pride. Leg Mason is orange.  Natty Boh is orange. The Baltimore Sun is orange. Fans are sporting Orioles orange on the regular. People are on the bandwagon, myself included. And, most of the time, it's super fun.

But, to quote a witty friend, these games have been killing me smalls!!!  If it's not a rain delay, it's extra innings.  And, before the extra innings, we are winning through the 8th and some pinch hitter (who looks like he's straight out of a psycho-killer horror movie) comes up and smashes it out of park, twice.  Killing me!  We are either waiting around (in the cold rain) to watch or when we are not waiting, we are on the edge of our seats, couches or bar stools going into extra innings.  I'm so tired but I can't go to bed.  I have to watch.

And, to make matters more interesting (read fixed) several sports...baseball, hockey (if they ever play again) and basketball, all have a series of games in which to win the chance to play on. 5 games or 7 games....that's a lot of games. Winning a series of games requires us to have patience....Which I do not have. And, while there is some comfort in knowing that it's not a one and done situation, it sure is hard to believe that things aren't fixed to go the distance.  Let's face it, the longer the series the more investment there is. And, now our O's have to play all 5 games because, we aren't going to lose this series. That is not an option.  We are talking about Orioles Magic afterall.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWwDkSgB53c&feature=related

Football gets right down to business. They play in the rain, snow and cold.  Overtime can happen, but it doesn't seem to be as common.  You win or you go home. Absolutely no question, the loss is a swift kick to the tip. Ok for girls we don't have tips but you get the picture. It really stinks.  But it's quick and dirty...no lingering, no patience...just winning (or losing) and moving on. Instant gratification.

Maybe it's the lack of sleep talking. Maybe my enthusiam about winning has taken over my rational thoughts. Maybe it's that our city and our team wants and needs this more than the suite wearing non-fans to the north.  Maybe it's that the best teams make the best match-ups and that is why the series are so close and they go the distance.  Yea...That has to be it...sports can't possibly be fixed.

Let's go O's!! 2 more games until you can bring it home to Charm City.  We'll be waiting for you...in the rain or in the cold, wearing our orange and cheering you on.

http://vimeo.com/50932233

Can you smash some out of the park tonight??  Please and thank you.

xo~
Elizabeth

Oh My Aching and Other Disturbing Facts

Those of you who know me, know I enjoy a good workout. I enjoy exercising and being healthy. I'm in better shape now than I was in my 20's.  Awesome, right?  Yes, of course.

But over the last 6 months, I've notice several disturbing things.

1. I'm hungry all the freaking time.  I drink a ton of water and it does not help.  I seriously think I have a worm or a hunger problem.  And, I'm super grumpy if I don't eat. It is not pretty people.
2. I have more aches and pains that don't go away so quickly.  Of course, when you stress your muscles, they get sore. That's normal. They recover and get stronger...that's the purpose of overworking them. What's not normal is my that my hip stiffens up upon sitting and I look like a grandma getting up from my desk on the regular.  It's funny and painful at the same time. I refuse to accept that this ailment is age related. And, I press on.
3. I'm more competitive than ever.  You might say to yourself, competition is good, right?  Well, yes...when it is under control, it is a good thing.  I've always been competitive with myself.  In college, I hated getting anything but A's.  I like being good at things.  For this reason I really don't enjoy doing things I am not good at.  See: beer league softball, kickball, football, etc.  I tried to practice catching fly softballs, once.

When thinking about this 3rd disturbing item, I've noticed now, that I am not only competing against myself, I find myself competing against others...namely some pretty hot cheerleaders who regularly attend my bootcamp class.  Not only are they smoking hot with straight white teeth, 12 pack abs and buns of steel (See also: how do they always have perfect spray tans, impeccable nails, rocking falsies and workout clothes that look custom made, but I digress), they are some serious athletes. They can smoke a mile run, kill the push-up drill of 150 push-ups, smash out 50 flutter kicks- full range-with perfectly pointed toes all with make-up in tack, and not looking sweaty, haggard, red-faced or worked-over after.  

This disturbing on many levels.

1. First, I sweat like a fat dude on an August day.  It's disgusting. Even my legs sweat. 
2. If I wear make-up to class, it's gone by the time we finish the warm-up mile. See above.
3. I must wear a pony tale to workout. How they can run all around with their Pantene-fresh shiny hair down and flowing, is beyond me.  Me and my sweaty-heady pony tale are a hot mess within 10 minutes.
4. I'm am completely inflexible and uncoordinated.  I'm nearly 5'9" and I have long ape arms, yet somehow I'm still unable to touch my toes.  It's ridiculous. So my legs are never straight, my toes are rarely pointed and I'm gangly when it comes to anything involving something other than moving in a straight line.
5. These chicks are almost 20 years younger than me...GASP, GAG, HOLY SHIT. 
6. You really want to hate them, but you can't. They are sweet, kind, nice, inspiring and they work their cute, hot buns off to have those bodies.

My competition level is at an all-time high. Not only am I competing with myself, I'm now competing with them in my head.  I don't so much care if I beat them (although it would be nice to be the abs model in class), but I want to be as good as them.  I don't want to be last. I don't want to be beaten. At a minimum, I want to keep up with them.  And, this could possibly be why I have my first and second disturbing issues...starvation and granny hips. It's a vicious cycle readers. 

As my trainer reminds me (ALL THE TIME) it's me against me.  It's not me against anyone else.  It's me doing my very best and going where I want to go.  I'm better than I was at their age.  I'm better than I was 10 years ago.  I'm faster than most women "my age"  although that's of little consolation. I can be better today than I was yesterday.  Yea, yea, yea...I know all that's true, but don't you think I can stick with them?  20 years is nothing, right??

I'm hobbling off to lunch now.

xo~
Elizabeth

Me and one of "them" racing through ladders in March. I think this one ended in a tie. :-)

A Letter to my 25 year old Self, Today

 

It's not my birthday. And, I love cupcakes.

Sometimes you feel settled and content. Sometimes you feel antsy and ready for a change.  Sometimes you feel old and you need to reflect.  And, sometimes you think back to what you think would have helped you along the way. Only if you had had that help you might not be where you are, which is where you supposed to be.  Crazy, I know.

Dear Elizabeth,

You are 25 years old.  You’ve just graduated from college and you feel so accomplished.  Congratulations!  It took hard work, direction and dedication to doing something with your life.  You did great job.  I’m proud of you.  Very well done!!

Since I am you I know you feel old, late to the party and not sure what you are going to do for the rest of your life. Relax!!!  It’s all ok…you are nowhere close to being old, the party is just getting started and it’s absolutely ok to not know what you are going to do with the rest of your life.  College was just the beginning of the road to life-long learning about who you are and what you want. You have your whole life to be an adult and it's ok to be somewhere inbetween.

You and your fiancé have just been through a major life changing illness and he’s a survivor.  It was a hard fought battle that some don’t win, no matter how hard they fight.  Both of you are very blessed to be through the daily battle, but know that the emotional war will rage on…for the rest of your lives.  Now is the time to live your life and have fun. You should be in no rush to be adults. There is no hurry to get married.  Go be young and in love.  As someone who can see the future, I’d ask you to wait on the wedding. Take some time to be a couple and learn to live individually before committing to a life together.   You don’t know what goo is yet. When you do, it just might change your perspective on marriage. 

Unless a person comes from money (which is rare), know that no one at 25 is financially set.  You have all you need.  Obviously, you need money to live, but money is not your driver. Don’t give up on things you want to do because of money. Also, don’t let others influence your desires based on money or lack thereof.  

Travel!!! Get out of Pasadena!! Consider a position that has travel responsibilities.  There is a huge world beyond your home town.  You know in your heart you want to leave…even if you end up coming back, get out for a while.  The world is an amazing sight to see. There are people all over who can teach you things about life.  Leave Maryland at least once per year and go somewhere new. Go on at least one girl’s trip per year. Don’t make excuses, just do it.

Be active!  Get outside and do things.  Live a life of fun and activity.  Run, bike, swim, play games/sports. Join the gym and actually go.  You will live longer and feel so much better when you commit to an active lifestyle. P.S. you will be in much better shape when you are in your 30's than you are at 25...so if you actually did this today, you'd kill your mile time!

Beach workouts in the BVI...funner than you'd think.

Listen to your heart and it will guide you…even when it is hard.  Your heart knows you better than you think you know yourself.  Don’t make choices because you think they are the right thing to do.  Don’t make choices out of fear or uncertainty.  Make choices because you are following your heart.  Choices that are right for you might be hard to make. They will require that you take chances.  They may mean you will be on your own. They may not make sense to others.  But you are strong, your instincts are good, and you can stand on your own. 

Do your best but don’t be afraid to fail. Be honest with your parents, your family and your friends.  Ask for help, guidance, direction and perspective.  Be vulnerable.  Know that vulnerability is not a weakness, it is strength in disguise.

Surround yourself with those who cheer for you, encourage you to follow your dreams and push you outside of your comfort zone.  Seek out those who will make you better. Talk to them, listen to them and learn from them. Gain perspective from their paths and then make your path.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you don’t have choices.  You get to choose every day to be true to you.  You choose your friends, your loves, your job, your life…Anyone who tells you otherwise, is wrong. 

Give back.  Give back to your family, you friends, and your community.  Strive to give more than you get.  You don’t realize this yet, but you are happiest when you are giving.

Earth Day Birthday painting with your Fave Friend circa 2006

Your ability to love and build relationships is one of your greatest gifts.  Keep your heart open, even in the face of difficulties.  Know that love is not about control, change or need.  Love is unconditional and it doesn’t come and go on your timeline.  Also know that those who truly love you will love you for who you are. They will not try and change you. They will embrace you.  Remember to love the way you want to be loved. Don’t expect anyone to change for you…love them how they are, or let them go.

Life is a crazy, fun, hard, unpredictable and amazing ride. Each day is a gift and not a given. You may feel old and unsure today, but in 10 years you will see just how young you were.  Don’t cave to the pressure of the predictable or the expected.  More than telling them, show those you love, your love. Actions far exceed the power of any words. Be honest, be kind, always take the high road and most of all, enjoy the ride.  You won’t get this time back, so enjoy it.  Don’t wish away and don’t wish you had…take chances and you’ll be happy to see where the road leads you. 

Life is short...have fun with it!

Since I have the luxury of writing this letter from the future, I know that, even without this advice, you will do great.  But if you listen to this advice it will help along the way.  And, in the present day of today, remember you will never be too old to listen, learn, try again and be happy. It’s your life….make it count!

xo~
Elizabeth